Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.
Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker
Excerpt from: Likability. Being liked and unliked.
If you want to reach your full potential, then you must learn to accept yourself for who you are & who you want to be and take personal responsibility for your life and how you feel.
And along the way to self-actualization, you must be prepared to be unpopular. Don’t leave your sense of worth and well-being in the hands of others.
Those who achieve greatness in life don’t let others dictate how they feel about themselves — and neither should you.
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One of the keys to self-confidence is recognizing those things that make you feel vulnerable or self-conscious and then accepting them.
Because when you accept yourself for who you are — flaws and all — you leave people far less capable of adversely affecting your sense of self-worth.
One of the byproducts of a stable sense of self-worth is self-confidence.
When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.
Take the time to get to know yourself.
Learn to know the difference between what you can change about yourself and what you can’t.
Understand that you are a work-in-progress and that the things about yourself that you have power over — such as your attitude, diet, fitness, habit, and skills — can and will change for the better over time if you work on them.
Regardless of where you are in your journey, accept yourself as you are at this time.
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Excerpt from: Setbacks and self-doubt
If you create goals with confidence, but sometimes suffer from self-doubt, realize that it’s a sign that you’re on the right track, not the wrong one.
Because if your aspirations don’t push you beyond your comfort zone, you’re not aiming high enough.
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Excerpt from: The freedom to be
Don’t give power to those who don’t have your best interest in mind. Reclaim the freedom to be your true self by defining your own identity and wrestle back control of your thoughts, feelings, and sense of self-worth from those you have inadvertently given power over you.
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When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.
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Image above inspired by: Pictures in boxes
It’s better to be your genuine self and have fewer of the right kinds of people in your life than it is to surround yourself with those who only accept you as long as you conform to their idea of who you should be.
Don’t live your life wearing a disguise.
When you refuse to be anything but your genuine self, you give those who are most compatible with who you are a chance to find you.
Never fear being rejected by those who seek to confine you to their expectations. It’s OK not to be liked or accepted by everyone you cross paths with on your journey.
You have to live your own life, learn from what life experiences provide you and evolve into the person you were meant to be.
Sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back and let go of things that are keeping you from making progress in life in order to make space for more of the things that will help you fulfill your potential.
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If you do the best you can to be a decent human being, show tolerance and kindness to others — and still live in fear of what people think of you, your possessions, your opinions, or your beliefs, and then alter your behavior to be “approved” by as many people as possible, that isn’t freedom, it’s a form of self-imposed slavery.
You become a slave to the idea that what other people might think is more important that exercising your ability to express your true self.
Have you ever avoided something as simple as clicking a “like” button or commenting on a post on social media because you were afraid of what people would think if they saw it? If so, then you’re doing it.
If your relationships are so fragile that something like a single like, share, or comment could end them (or cause an unfollow or other equivalent), then perhaps those are not the kind of relationships that are really adding any kind of value to your life.
And perhaps it’s time to ask yourself what the point of “collecting people” in your life is, if the sorts of people you’ve collected will judge you “unworthy” of their friendship and leave you the moment you truly express yourself.
This is an issue that goes far beyond how people act on social media, it’s a real-life problem as well.
Changing who you are to be liked by people may result in more people “liking” you, but it also means that those who “like” you are liking someone who is pretending to be someone or something they’re not.
And, ultimately, you’re sacrificing yourself (and your life) to do it. You’re sacrificing your freedom to express your true self in order to gain “friends” who don’t even like you for you.
In the end, this really makes no sense. Life is not a popularity contest. It’s not about collecting as many “friends” as possible. And no matter what you do, not everyone is going to like or agree with you anyway. That’s life.
Do you respect people who water themselves down, live in fear of being disliked, or pretend to be someone they’re not in order to gain favor? If not, then how can you expect to respect yourself if you do the same things?
“When you are brave enough to be yourself, you give others permission to do the same.”
Be your genuine self and you will find that those who stick around in your life are those who appreciate and respect you for who you truly are. They may not agree with everything you say, do, or believe, but they are far more likely to forgive you for your mistakes or lapses in judgement and stick by you not only during the high times in your life, but also the lows.
And you can live knowing that you’re not being judged by those who matter to you — and if you are, you still don’t live in fear of it, because it’s not your problem. When people judge you, it says more about them than it says about you.
And, in the off chance you suck as a human being and few people like you, then that’s perhaps a sign you have some things to work on to be a better person in an authentic way — and not someone who simply pretends to be one.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
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As far I’m concerned, if you’re tolerant and open-minded, I like having you in my life, regardless of your beliefs or some opinions you have that I don’t agree with (and vice-versa). Because ultimately, we help each other grow.
I’ve said it before, you don’t have to agree on everything to get along. And some of the best relationships are formed by people who don’t.
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Make a donation to a charity? Someone will tell you it’s the wrong charity.
Give to the homeless? Someone will tell you why that’s a bad idea.
Like a certain kind of music? Someone will tell you why it sucks.
Read a good book lately? Someone out there hates it.
Think something is funny? Someone won’t see the humor.
Have something cool you want to attempt? Someone will tell you not to bother because it’s already been done.
George Lucas, JK Rowling, The Beatles, and countless other success stories — all got rejected because someone thought there was something “wrong” with what they had to offer, but they all succeeded because they persisted anyway.
It should go without saying that no matter what you do or what your motivation is for doing it, there will almost always be someone to tell you that you’re doing it wrong.
At some point, you just have to learn to listen to your heart and your intuition and do what you feel is right, regardless of what the critics say. Because sometimes what’s considered wrong or flawed to one person, may be a work of genius to another.
Use feedback to make yourself, your actions, and your offerings more effective, but never give up doing what you want to do just because someone doesn’t “get it”.
Odds are, if you do anything worth doing and it initiates change for the greater good, someone somewhere isn’t going to like it.
Do it anyway.
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“I’m not perfect, but parts of me are awesome.”
Let’s face it, we all have flaws. And, despite how some people see it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The fact is, every single one of us is a work-in-progress.
We may be at different stages in life. We may have different strengths and weaknesses, but there isn’t a single person on the planet who hasn’t felt vulnerable or made mistakes. Nor is there a single person who couldn’t be better at something in some area of their life.
While hiding your flaws or pretending to be something or someone you’re not can fool many people — and many try to live their lives this way — true power comes from being your authentic self — flaws and all — and not being ashamed or afraid of being imperfect.
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain
When you truly accept who you are — weaknesses included — to the point that you are not afraid to admit your flaws or be vulnerable, people are much less able (or likely to try) to use your flaws as weapons against you.
When you don’t hide who you are behind a mask of misrepresentation, you no longer have to live in fear of being discovered as “false” or less than capable at something.
Additionally, knowing what your weaknesses are — and what triggers you to think and behave as you do — provides you with the ability to potentially overcome, or at least reduce their affects.
And while we often believe that we will be liked less for not being perfect, people are actually much more likely to respect and admire those who express themselves authentically rather than those who pretend to be perfect or act as if they are superior to others.
Have the courage to be authentic. Have the courage to take responsibility for who you are and how you act.
And have the courage to be imperfect.
“With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.” — Keshavan Nair
If you haven’t watched The Power of Vulnerability TED talk by Brene Brown, it is one of the most viewed TED talks in history. She is a great speaker. Very funny and insightful. It is definitely 20 minutes well spent.
“The way of the heart is the way of courage. It is to live in insecurity; it is to live in love, and trust; it is to move in the unknown. It is leaving the past and allowing the future to be. Courage is to move on dangerous paths. Life is dangerous, and only cowards can avoid the danger – but then, they are already dead. A person who is alive, really alive, vitally alive, will always move into the unknown. There is danger there, but he will take the risk. The heart is always ready to take the risk, the heart is a gambler. The head is a businessman. The head always calculates – it is cunning. The heart is non-calculating.” — Osho, from The Joy of Living Dangerously
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