Search

Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.

Zero Dean

Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker

Break the chain

“They were asking for it.”
“I really want to make my ex jealous.”
“I’m going to teach that person a lesson.”
“I’m going to show that person how much they hurt me.”
“I’m going to make that person regret the day…”

Stop it.

This line of thinking only feeds a never-ending cycle of negativity. An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.

Don’t do to someone else anything that you don’t want someone to do to you.

A better solution? Work it out. Resolve conflicts. Make peace.

“But they won’t let me!”

Then let it go. Because you are better than that.

You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself. You can act in a way that you would be proud of. You can act in a way that doesn’t escalate a situation or perpetuate a cycle.

You are responsible for what you do, regardless of your motivation or how you feel.

Just because someone hurt you or offended you doesn’t give you a free pass to act violently, aggressively, use hate speech, or commit offensive acts.

Find a support group that doesn’t encourage these types of behavior.

anger-will-never-disappear-so-long-as-thoughts-of-resentment-are-cherished-john-dryden-200

Learn to communicate and express yourself effectively. Tell people how you feel without the need to lash out or intentionally inflict pain. Learn to forgive and let go.

Channel your energy into something positive. Set the example you’d like see more of. Do what you know in your heart is right, regardless of the circumstances.

Don’t let what others do be an excuse to behave badly.

Break the chain.

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.” — John Dryden

An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.

Related:

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

I just wanted to quickly express some thoughts I have regarding some of the occasionally more challenging content I write, such as: “If you have the power to change…” or “A tough pill to swallow.”

I don’t expect everyone to completely agree with — or be able to easily accept — my point of view on every post I share.

In fact, I hope this is not the case. I hope some of the more serious stuff I post makes people cringe or think hard or question themselves or what they believe.

That’s the point. And it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

If I constantly post things that everything thinks, “yeah, I agree”, then that’s not a terribly effective strategy at getting people to think, stretch, or grow. It’s simply telling people things they already know or want to hear.

Anyone can do that (and lots of people do). Some best-selling self-help authors make a habit of that.

Do you want to make friends? Grow a following? Get people to like you? It’s easy, just tell people exactly what they want to hear, boost their egos, or provide superficial solutions.

That’s ONE way.

The OTHER way is to challenge people and earn their respect.

While people may not always agree with you, they will be confident in knowing that you believe what you speak and that you’re not just saying it to 1) meet a content deadline or 2) tell people what they want to hear.

The things I share? They come from personal experiences and what I’ve learned from them. Some of my thoughts are more developed than others and if you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you will notice that many continue to evolve.

While some of the posts I share may be seen as simple common sense or ancient “truths”, I’m not writing content to meet a schedule or fill a void. And I’m not reading things and simply regurgating what I read in order to sound qualified — or to be confident that I’m not saying something that someone far more educated or informed than I am will disagree with.

No. I’m living this stuff and have been working through all of it. Everything I write about comes from real-life experience.

The rejection posts, the power to change posts, the acts of kindness posts, the just getting through life posts. These come directly from things that I’ve lived through and learned and can back up — and not from a pile of books that I just assume the contents are true and the authors knew what they were talking about.

And when I do read, I question everything. But I already question everything anyway.

I question who I am. I question how I know what I know. And I even question what I don’t know.

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.” — Buddha

And I think. And I try things. And explore within and without. And make mistakes. And I learn. And some of the mistakes I make should be common sense issues, but not for me. Which is also why I share what I learn, because what’s “common sense” for one person isn’t common sense for everyone.

And I will be the first to admit that besides making mistakes or occasionally saying something or doing something in a way I didn’t intend, there’s nothing I’ve done that I ever felt couldn’t have been done better. And regardless of how much I learn or how confident I feel, or how long I go without making mistakes, I will continue to think this.

And to me, this is a good thing. Because the moment you are certain that you know the one and only way is the moment you leave no room to learn that you’re wrong (even if you’re right).

So yeah, while many of the things I share will not be particularly challenging for most people most of the time (and that would get annoying if that were the case), these things I share can still be of value in helping people to reaffirm what they already believe or be reminded of things they already know, but haven’t been practicing.

But it really isn’t until I challenge people that I have the potential to make a significant difference. As a wise person once said, “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”

And while I don’t believe this to be 100% true — because I believe that you can also lead by example — getting people to face challenges is challenging, at best. People often resist challenges, resist change, and resist discomfort. But that is where growth occurs.

And I can say from experience, as someone who has deliberately faced challenges for over 1,289 days, it has been the most rewarding and most illuminating time of my life. And nearly everything I write about is a result of that.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

And I hope on some level, that what I share eventually influences some people in ways that enhance their lives specifically because I did make them think, or stretch, or grow.

And that’s why some of my posts may occasionally be more challenging than others.

“The sad thing is that, even though we know our lives aren’t working in certain areas, we are still afraid to change. We are locked into our comfort zone, no matter how self-destructive it may be. Yet, the only way to get out of our comfort zone and to be free of our problems and limitations is to get uncomfortable. We can only experience freedom in direct proportion to the amount of truth that we are willing to accept without running away.” — Robert Anthony

Related:

 

It’s your life. Never stop having fun with it.

If you fit within a stereotype and you’ve never broken it, you are missing out on of life’s greatest pleasures.

And you may just find you aren’t exactly the person you were led to believe.

Never forget that your life story is a work-in-progress. You can continually craft it however you desire. You are who you choose to be and not what others say you are.

So never stop trying new things. Never stop exploring. Never stop challenging yourself.

You are not a tree. You don’t have to grow where you are planted.

It’s your life. Never stop having fun with it.

It&039;s your life. Never stop having fun with it.

Don’t you ever give up

life-is-hard-and-it-isnt-fair-zero-dean

You may be hurting. And feeling powerless. And feeling tired. You may be surrounded by people and still feeling alone in the world.

But you will get through this. And you will be stronger because of it.

There are kind people in the world that you don’t even know, who would do anything in their power to help lift you up, if they could. But in order for it to really make a difference, you’re the one who has to do it.

You have something inside of you that is stronger than anything holding you down.

You have to find the strength to focus on what really matters to you. Your loves. Your joys. The things that make you laugh, and smile, and make you want to share it with the world.

You may not always feel like it, but you make a bigger difference in the world than you can possibly imagine. Your smile alone can change someone’s day for the better. And that single day can lead to unimaginable good things in the future.

The ripple effect of a single act of kindness can change an entire life.

You may sometimes feel like the whole world is against you, but it just isn’t true. There are countless people who don’t even know you, but care greatly about you and your well-being. If you’ve ever been smiled at by a complete stranger, then you experienced just a tiny glimpse of this. It may sometimes feel like no one cares, but they do. I promise you — they do.

Life is hard. And it isn’t fair. And it really hurts like hell sometimes. But if you focus on what is within your power to change for the better, you can. And you will.

So please, find a way. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But keep trying.

And never give up.
Don’t you ever give up.

 

Related:

If you want kindness, be kind.

If you want kindness, be kind. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want help, be helpful. If you want love, be loving. If you want respect, respect yourself & others.

One will most often get more of the things that matter in life by giving them first than they will by trying desperately to get them or asking for them.

Related:

Everybody wants to be a superhero…

"Use what you already have to its maximum potential and you may just find you have enough." - Zero Dean

Everybody wants to be a superhero, but if you’re not already using the tremendous powers you already have to do good in this world, then why would anyone expect superpowers to make any difference?

Use the powers you already have to their maximum potential and you will likely discover that you have more than you need to make a real & lasting positive difference.

Related:

Playing the game of life.

Everyday we have an opportunity to make our lives fun or exciting simply by using our imagination or changing how we look at things.

Those who constantly rely on external sources to be entertained or amused are missing out on one of life’s greatest cost-free pleasures.

Not only does relying on external sources create and reinforce the illusion that you need someone or something outside of you to be happy, it distances us from one of the most powerful tools we have:

IMAGINATION.

As Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

Children who haven’t grown up relying on TV or video games to be amused use their imagination often. A box, a tube, or a stick become can create entire worlds and keep them occupied for hours.

Children instinctively use their imagination throughout their development. Often to their own delight and the delight of those around them. The fact is, most people enjoy watching others, even animals, in the act of play.

Nowadays, it appears more and more adults rely more on being entertained than finding ways to entertain themselves. Even seeking knowledge can be fun (and extremely beneficial), and yet many lose countless hours of their lives watching mindless television. It’s not that there isn’t a place for this, but to do this excessively is to miss out on other more rewarding, and certainly more creative, experiences of life.

One is never too old to play. Those who scoff at the idea fail to realize that play is often associated with one of the primary contributing factors of staying youthful.

As a wise person once said, “You don’t stop doing things because you get old. You get old because you stop doing things.”

Life can be a fun adventure any moment of any day simply by changing how you look at it.

To be a passive player in the game of life is to miss out on many of the amazing experiences life has to offer.

Life can be an adventure, any moment of any day, simply by changing how you look at it. You, above anyone else, is in control of how you see the world and how you live in it.

playing-the-game-of-life-zero-dean

With respect, tolerance, and an open mind…

As the media and politicians continue to polarize people, I think it’s important to remember that you don’t have to agree with anyone’s particular point of view or share their politics to get along.

People sometimes forget that some of the best relationships are those in which each person helps the other to broaden their perspective and grow as an individual.

To only interact with and surround yourself with people who agree with you and share your points of view tends to create a very narrow and distorted view of the world.

It has been said you become the average of the five people you interact with most. What kind of picture does that paint if you share exactly the same likes, dislikes, and view of the world?

To simply take offense at something without giving it any thought is to deny yourself an opportunity for growth. Even if that growth simply means reaffirming what you already believe.

To think you have to agree with everything about a person is to deny yourself of some of the best friendships the world has to offer.

To automatically dismiss someone because they are different than you does the same.

I think one of the best gifts anyone can give another person is something that results in the recipient saying, “I’d never thought about it like that before.”

An expanded point of view is a key to many locks you didn’t even know existed.

I certainly don’t expect everyone to always agree with me or see things from my point of view, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

And if we can’t be friends, that doesn’t mean we have to be enemies.

With respect, tolerance, and an open mind, anything is possible.

Your friend (the optimist),

Zero

Strength from discomfort

A world that continually caters to making people more and more comfortable creates a world full of people who are less and less capable of coping with — and being open to — even the slightest discomfort or inconvenience.

We need to teach people to be able to deal with the challenges of life, not attempt to remove them all.

There will always be bullying. There will always be inclement weather. Flight delays. Long lines. Loud neighbors. Bumps in roads. Rule breakers…

Don’t give your child an unusual name, they’ll get made fun of? No. How about we provide children with the ability to effectively deal with name-calling and to not have their self-esteem be under other people’s control. How about we teach critical thinking and real-world problem-solving skills?

How about we teach people effective coping and communication skills and stop encouraging a world of people who simply want to make noise and complain?

I’m sorry, but not having enough whipped cream on your Mocha Frappuccino is not a real problem. Having to wait in line is not a real problem. Being bored is not a real problem.

If you’re on fire, yeah, that’s a real problem.

The above inconveniences are simply symptoms of a problem. And the problem is that we should all be able to easily and effectively deal with these things without them turning into some kind of negative “event” in our lives.

Don’t give people or minor inconveniences the power to ruin your day. As that will be a day of your life wasted.

We should work on being stronger — and helping others be stronger — and not on constantly trying to make life easier and more comfortable.

The real world doesn’t go away just because we dress it up to look like something else. All that does is alienate us from what’s real and lessens our ability to effectively deal with the inevitable challenges we all must face in life.

We acquire the strength we have overcome.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Related:

"Strength from discomfort" by Zero Dean