Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.
Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker
You have exactly one life to live to do everything you ever wanted.
Stop wasting it caught up in things that don’t matter.
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It must be because… __________.
Don’t fill in the blanks for things you don’t know the true answers to with negative things that you convince yourself are the truth.
When we don’t get feedback from an event, we often fill in the missing information in a way that becomes our own version of the truth.
We then refer to this “filler” as if it is the reality of the situation, when it could be far from it.
So beware of filling in the blanks.
Either find out the truth or let it go. Because believing something negative that isn’t true, can not only have a significant impact on how you respond to a given situation, it can also have an adverse affect on your work, your relationships, and your sense of self-worth.
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CONTENT ADVISORY: This blog post is a major change-of-pace from my usual fare and also contains strong language. Many people have applauded this post, but you may find it a turn off — and that’s fine.
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It is complete bullshit that inauthentic assholes without an ounce of integrity keep rising, while others who try to do right are left to struggle.
I am so tired of seeing douchebags in the news and on the cover of magazines. I am tired of seeing people get famous for being narcissistic assholes.
I am tired of having my privacy violated from all directions as if it is for my own good.
I am tired of seeing the rich get richer and crooks get rewarded with bonuses.
Steal a fountain drink and go to jail. Rob millions of people of billions of dollars and get a bonus at the end of the year.
Get caught smoking crack, even McDonalds would fire you. But if you’re a high-ranking member of the government — where it is your job to be a responsible and trustworthy extension of the voice of the people? No problem. “Everyone makes mistakes.”
I am tired of seeing others get rewarded for cheating the system and playing into people’s fears or making promises they cannot or do not keep.
I am tired of “12 ways to get…”, “3 simple things you can do to…” and “Try this one simple trick…”
This is just manipulative and it’s over-the-top ridiculous.
We are surrounded by bullshit.
Why do we keep buying into it? Why do we keep rewarding the people and companies who do this?
There are so many truly good, truly talented people in the world who are truly worthy of promotion, and yet I need to see the fact that one of my friends “likes” that the (cancer-causing) McRib is back at McDonalds while others promoting health, kindness, love, and integrity starve for exposure?
Fuck.that.shit.
Go seek out someone who hasn’t sold out.
Go seek out someone who appears authentic.
Go seek out someone who doesn’t manipulate people.
Go seek out someone who could use the exposure.
Go HELP THEM. Not the people or companies who sit back and manipulate you and keep getting away with it.
Stop rewarding the people and companies who abuse and take advantage of you.
Stop letting your life be dictated by a box or a product.
Stop letting people convince you that you need things you don’t. That you will be happier with more. You won’t.
Stop wasting your time following someone else’s idea of the ideal life.
Focus on your health and well-being.
Focus on becoming a better person.
Focus on finding ways to make a positive difference in the world.
Focus on finding truly positive role-models and heroes.
Seriously.
The following comic (XKCD 137) supplements this post nicely:
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Supplemental Reading:
Dear marketers, media, and advertisers –
There is a huge difference between fulfilling people’s actual needs and preying on people’s weaknesses or desires. Marketing doesn’t have to be so manipulative.
Don’t try to sensationalize it. Don’t create conflict where none exists. Don’t promise me miracles. Don’t try to bait and switch me. Don’t feed on my fears. Just provide me with the facts. Let me make up my own mind. Stop all the bullshit.
Want to fill a niche? Want to fulfill people’s needs? The answer is integrity. We need integrity in marketing, the media, and our relationships now more than ever.
Prove to me you’re honest, authentic, and have integrity, and you will have a loyal customer/consumer/friend and someone who will work on your behalf to provide honest word-of-mouth for life.
That is far more valuable in the long run than meeting your short-term & short-sighted goals, monthly quotas, and quarterly reports.
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Integrity does not involve feeding people’s egos in an attempt to manipulate them into getting something you want. Integrity is not being nice with the expectation of reward. Integrity is not preying on people’s weaknesses to meet your own needs. Integrity is not making promises you cannot keep. Integrity is not withholding key information until you have won someone over by fueling their desires. Integrity is not waiting until they’ve signed the dotted line to reveal the fine print or legally manipulative part of the contract.
What those things encompass can be described quite simply as inauthentic, offensive, and manipulative. In a word: bullshit.
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“Is there anything I can do to help?” is a magical question.
Sometimes people have a difficult time asking for help (they are either not comfortable with it or simply don’t know how to ask without appearing selfish or needy). And sometimes people are so independent they don’t even think to ask for it.
And whether or not someone takes you up on your offer, simply asking if you can help is a supportive gesture to show that the person you are offering to help matters to you.
Helping others is not only a great way to build friendships and improve relationships, it can also improve a person’s day, project, or experience beyond measure.
Never feel bad for offering to help someone and they decline your offer (for any reason). Some people are also not very good at recognizing the intention or the thoughts behind a supportive gesture.
Helping people is awesome.
Followup:
From a comment: Better yet, don’t even ask. Just do.
Zero:
Sometimes people don’t look like they could use the help — so it’s not obvious how to help. But by asking, it helps answer the question.
I am one of those people who has a difficult time asking for help. I’m very independent. I feel that if I can do it myself, even if it takes me longer, then I should probably just do it myself. And I also don’t like to appear needy. (Hey, we all have our “things”.)
So when someone asks me if there is anything they can do to help, it can help me get over that “hump”. It also opens up a dialogue that can help strengthen a friendship or relationship.
While there is never anything wrong with trying to help people, there are times when people would rather do “it” themselves than have someone else do “it” for them.
And there are times when people will actually take offense at you doing something for them that they can/want to do themselves. While I don’t think taking offense at helpful gestures is the right thing to do, this is also why I think asking can be helpful (in those cases).
There are also times when we think the best way to help is by offering “advice”, but advice isn’t always the thing that’s truly wanted or most helpful. Especially advice that is given in a “this is what I would do” way, without regard to the context of a person’s journey. Because even our best advice that might help most people, doesn’t necessarily work with all people (the square pegs in the round holes, for example).
And there are times when we think we’re being “helpful”, when we’re really not. Such as when someone tells us they’re depressed, so we say, “Cheer up!” or “It’s always darkest before dawn!” (these things sound nice, but are not particularly helpful to a depressed person).
I think Allie Brosh in her Depression Part 2 post covers that exceptionally well.
“My fish are dead.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you find them. Are there any clues where they went?”
“I know where they are. The problem is, they aren’t alive any more.”
“Let’s keep looking! I’m sure they’ll turn up somewhere.”
When people don’t understand the real issue, they tend to offer advice that doesn’t fit the context of the situation. So again, helping people without asking can sometimes lead one down different path than the recipient of the “help” wants to go.
That said, I totally understand the sentiment. I do open and hold doors for people. Or try to find ways to help people when I can (especially when they are obvious). For example, every creative type could nearly always use a hand getting more exposure. People who write stuff like love to be acknowledged. That sort of thing.
See also: Is there anything I can do to help (if so, contact me)
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We’ve all run across people who seem to take pleasure in finding flaws in others’ work. And then they seem genuinely surprised when the recipient isn’t overjoyed at their feedback.
But this shouldn’t surprise anyone. Finding faults, picking things apart or complaining about things — even if one attempts to do it in a funny way (which most often comes off as mocking) — is one of the easiest things to do.
Some people seem to make a sport of it…
“I found a problem with that quote you shared. It doesn’t apply to every.situation.ever!”
Really? A person’s words taken out of context of the larger whole — and shared for the wisdom or implied lesson within — don’t apply to every conceivable situation? What a surprise.
So rather than acknowledge or consider any inherent wisdom — or the general essence of what is being expressed — you would rather point out or make a joke about how something doesn’t apply to every situation?
People who do this are missing (or ignoring) the point in order to give themselves the false impression that they are being clever or adding something of value. But where is the value in that?
Problem finding generally takes very little creativity, cleverness, originality, effort, or risk.
Other the hand, it is much more difficult to create something new or to improve upon an existing idea. It is much more difficult and courageous to be a creator.
“Creativity takes courage.” — Henri Matisse
The next time you or someone you’re with thinks they’re adding something of value or being clever by poking holes in something, ask this question:
“How can I make this better?”
Answers to that question are helpful.
Finding a way in which an established quote doesn’t make sense in every case, isn’t particularly helpful. Drawing attention to the fact that a quote is wrongly attributed to someone, is.
If you can find a way to improve upon an existing idea or creation, it’s not only clever, it will likely be much more well received than criticism and feedback that is often made at someone else’s expense.
We’ve all seen how sides of the government will find flaws in the opposing side’s proposals, but then fail to come up with any real solutions of their own. This doesn’t help anyone.
Want to be helpful and add value, find ways to make something better by asking yourself how that would be possible.
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“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”
We rush to work.
Rush home.
Rush through our meals without even tasting our food or remembering what we ate.
Even when we’re on vacation, we’re always rushing.
It appears many of us are operating on the belief that we don’t rush, we won’t have time.
But time for what?
Every second that passes is a moment of our lives that we’ll never get back. Time, of all the things one has, is the most valuable.
We can never get more time, we can only manage the time we already have.
And while rushing from one thing to another — to “save time” — may seem like a sensible solution, rushing through our lives — as if it’s only the “highlights” that matter — is to sacrifice the vast majority of the moments that our lives are made up of.
“One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” — Ida Scott Taylor
Rather than be present in the here and now, aware of our thoughts, our bodies, and our surroundings, we zone out and go through the motions — waiting for the moments that “matter”, not realizing how valuable every one that passes actually is.
Because the truth is, every moment matters when the future is guaranteed to no one.
When we live our lives as if the best things in life are always scheduled at some distant time that we are rushing to get to, we fail to truly experience the here and now.
And as it turns out, staying in the moment tends to yield greater happiness and greater appreciation and gratitude for the individual moments in life than constantly reaching for things that are forever beyond our grasp.
In his Ted Talk, Want to be happier? Stay in the moment (video), Matt Killingsworth says:
“Our ability to focus on something other than the present is an amazing ability it allows us to learn and reason and plan in ways that no other species can.” However, … “People are substantially less happy when their minds wander than when they are not” … “when our minds wander we often think about things which are unpleasant … our worries, our anxieties our regrets.”
Just something to consider the next time you find yourself rushing from one thing to the next without being mindful of the moments already passing.
“No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.” — Alan Watts
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It’s no secret that whatever one chooses to focus on can not only make a significant impact on one’s own life, but it can have a significant impact on those one connects with as well.
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius
Focus on what you want to see more of, and you’re more likely to have it show up in your life. Focus on what you don’t want, and you’re more likely to have that show up in your life.
From positive to negative, from solutions to problems, “Energy flows where attention goes.” (Michael Beckwith)
It’s always wise to be mindful of what you choose to focus on.
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“Sometimes life’s going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did.” — Steve Jobs
Even the most successful people in history have had their confidence rocked (video), their good ideas questioned & ridiculed, and the door of opportunity slammed in their face.
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.” — Randy Pausch
Even the most successful, most intelligent, most attractive, and most beloved people in the world have felt tired, lonely, scared, ugly, stupid, and alone.
Even the most successful people in the world have set goals, made mistakes and suffered serious setbacks and failure.
“Success is 99 percent failure.” — Soichiro Honda
But what made many of the most successful people in the world successful is that they persisted. They had the desire, the determination, the passion, and the will to succeed. And they used it.
And that made all the difference.
Success isn’t a magical thing that some people can have and others cannot. It’s something you work for.
As Steve Jobs also said:
“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.” (video)
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