Live your life as if your heroes are watching.
Related:
Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.
Zero Dean
Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker
How big is your box?
I’ve said this before, but we, as individuals, are almost entirely responsible for building the “boxes” we choose to live in as well as for tying our own strings.
Little by little through life, we often change who we are — or how we act — in order to fit within other people’s expectations of who they think we are and how we think they think we should act.
In short, if you choose to act a certain way to please certain people, you do it at the expense of your true self and your true desires.
Yes, social norms exist for a reason. And there is a time and place for everything. And not all content is suitable for all audiences. And first impressions do matter — and so does being likable…
But you do yourself a disservice if you continually edit or censor yourself out of fear of what you think others will think.
I’ve also said this before, not everyone will like you — and that is perfectly ok!
What’s important is that you like you — and enough other people like you enough to show that you’re not a complete assclown.
Because being yourself is important, but so is not being an assclown.
Related:
The Circle of Like
- “This was stupid.”
- “Not at all funny.”
- “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
- “I found the language offensive.”
- “Who actually likes this stuff?”
- “The worst gift I received this year.”
I’m paraphrasing the above quotes from reviews of one of my favorite books last year. Some of the actual reviews are far more brutal — and there are many more just like this.
I mean some people really hate this book.
And that’s a pretty sure sign that something is wrong. Right?
So what should the author do? Should they take the criticism to heart and curl up in a ball on the floor? Should they give up writing? (Some people have suggested as much).
Maybe they should seek ways to ensure that their next book — if they can muster the motivation to write one — appeals to these “haters” in some way so as to not to attract such harsh criticism?
They could do that.
In fact, it’s not that uncommon for people to not only change their creations to please others, some even go as far as to change the unique things about themselves in order to be more like those that get better “feedback”.
But I think that’s a mistake.
It may surprise you to discover that the book I’m referring to currently has a solid 5 star rating on Amazon. It has also been one of the best-selling books in its genre since it was published.
So — depending on how you look at it — it’s not so bad after all.
But what about these 1 star reviews? Are they invalid?
No. Of course not. Because an opinion is just that, an opinion.
Even if you’re only in the 1% of people who either do or don’t like something, it doesn’t make you “wrong”. It just means that, for whatever reason, you are not among the appreciative audience the something was intended or most suited for.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” — Dita Von Tease
And while I’m talking about a product and reviews, this also applies to people and criticism about one’s self or one’s creations.
I’ve said it before, some people will like you, some people won’t. That’s life.
The next time you feel rejected, criticized, or cross paths with someone who sees things differently than you do, I encourage you to remind yourself that it is likely impossible to be universally liked. And in order for nearly anything to truly have mass appeal, it must also situate itself within a very narrow spectrum so as not to offend, or bore, or turn off anyone.
And often, the moment something gains mass appeal, people criticize it for exactly that reason.
Even people who donate millions of dollars to charity receive complaints from folks who don’t think it was the right charity, or the right time, or the best use of that person’s money.
It’s very rare that you can ever do what you consider a good thing that everyone who hears about it will appreciate.
Remember this the next time you run across someone who has a different opinion than you do, or who criticizes you or something you produce. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are wrong, but it more than likely means they are simply not among the people you or what you produce is most suited for.
What really matters is making — and doing — the things you want to do for those they are intended for and not wasting your time trying to please or appease those who will never get you — or what you have to offer — no matter how hard you try.
…
What is the book in question? It doesn’t really matter.
Because it could be any book. Or any movie, or song, or literally anything anyone has an opinion about one way or the other.
If you’d like to try an exercise, I suggest going and reading the negative reviews for one of your favorite books or movies. Then, go read the positive reviews for a book or movie you really disliked.
Doing this can help provide added perspective because it reminds us of what it feels like to be at both ends of the spectrum — and neither end is “wrong.”
I think Bill Cosby said it best, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
Sometimes we’re the one’s who are liking or being liked — and sometimes we’re not.
That’s the Circle of Like.
Related:
A mission of kindness
Your mission today, if you choose to accept it, is to perform a random act of kindness.
Pay for someone’s toll or coffee.Put some change in an expired meter (*Note: may be illegal in some states). Share an artist’s work. Make a donation to a cause or help promote it. Help fund a Kickstarter project. Have flowers delivered to a receptionist. Let the Wookie win.
Or just make a stranger smile.
Theme(s):
Related:
- If you want kindness, be kind.
- If you want more kindness in the world, put some there.
- Help create a perpetual kindness machine
- There is no inflation on acts of kindness
- Never underestimate the power of a single act of kindness
- You can’t measure love
- Go ahead, make someone’s day
- Appreciation and gift giving.
- Offsite: Kindness is contagious. So are zombies. Be careful!
- Offsite: Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.
- Offsite: Kindness is contagious
Your mission, if you choose to accept it…
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find an opportunity to give someone *sincere*, positive praise today.
Or tell someone’s boss or manager that the person who helped you (or others) is doing a great job.
Or write a positive review for a product or establishment that you appreciate.
Related:
The right thing to do
Yes, you will sometimes feel like putting in the effort to make a positive difference isn’t necessarily worth it.
And not everyone cares about the things you care about.
And sometimes you will feel like you are the only one that something actually matters to.
But you’re not.
Never let a lack of recognition of your efforts to make a positive difference get in the way of doing what you feel is right.
Because sometimes, the most effective thing you can do is simply set a good example.
The people who make a positive difference in the world are the ones who keep trying to.
Not for fame. Or recognition. Or personal benefit.
But because it’s the right thing to do.
Related:
- Wearing a cape is optional
- Doing Good
- Never underestimate the power of a single act of kindness
- Believing in yourself
- Being kind without expectation is the truest kind of kindness.
- Integrity
- Rejection is neither an indication of value or talent
- If you want kindness, be kind.
- If you want more kindness in the world, put some there.
- Lanes merge ahead
From the comments:
Stephen: Hard not to internalize those with issues who smirk and roll their eyes.
Zero: Agreed. It’s a struggle. Group social dynamics are very powerful.
But I think it’s important to not lose your identity in a crowd — or to the crowd — because you are afraid of standing out.
See also: Why Good People Do Bad Things : Research indicates that being in a group makes some people lose touch with their personal moral beliefs.
Life experience has finished installing important updates…
Life experience has finished installing important updates providing you with the ability to improve your life, but your life will not change without taking action.
Related:
- The persistent drip
- Change your priorities and you change your life.
- No one can make you get fit
- If you have the power to change something that is holding you back, and you don’t…
- 20 things I’ve learned about determination & commitment in 333 days.
- Killing Doubt
- The most successful people in the world
- Offsite: Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will…
- Offsite: Great works are performed not by strength
- Offsite: The Starting Point of Success
- Offsite: ‘Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.’
Originally published on: Jun 12, 2014 @ 15:26
Republished on: May 23, 2015 @ 13:26
Skip and volume control
If you’ve ever listened to a song and turned it up because you enjoyed hearing it so much, know that you essentially have (and use) this ability to the experiences that happen in your life.
Your attention is your “volume control”. Whatever you focus on gets louder.
So when something comes on that you don’t like, do you turn it up? No. You skip it.
And this is what you can do with those tired, old, negative thoughts in your head. You skip them.
And you keep skipping until you can settle on something worth listening to — and hopefully, worth turning up.
Skip and volume control. Use as needed.
Related:
- Beating yourself up & tearing yourself down.
- Energy flows where attention goes.
- Ways to find encouragement: Train (or re-train) your brain
- It’s all there for you if you want it.
- The problem with problems
Lanes Merge Ahead
“Yes, I see the “lanes merge ahead” signs, but I’m really in a hurry today. Besides, I see those other jerks do this all the time.”
“I know the light is turning red, but I have important things to do.”
“I can’t find a trash can and I’m really tired of carrying this bottle, so I’m just going to drop it. Besides, there’s another bottle on the grass over there.”
“I don’t want to have to walk across the parking lot to throw my fast food trash away, so I’m just going to leave it next to my car. People get paid to clean this stuff up, right? I’m not littering, I’m giving someone a job.”
“I’m not walking another 40 feet to put this shopping cart in a rack. I’m just going to leave it in this parking space. Look at all the other carts in the parking lot. I’m sure someone will take care of it.”
“This thing I found doesn’t belong to me, but it’s kind of nice and I don’t want some thief to take it. So I’m going to.”
When you do things that you don’t like others to do — or wouldn’t want someone to do to you — you set an example for even more people to follow.
Always do the things you want to see more of in the world, not less.
Related:
Life is not a competition
“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.” — Earl Nightingale
Never give up on what you desire in life just because someone else appears to have an easier time getting what they desire or is making progress more quickly than you are.
Remind yourself as necessary that life is not a competition and that some people will always make progress more quickly than others. That’s life.
But your life, your circumstances, and your goals are your own. Don’t let the simple fact that others are working on and achieving their goals deter you from working on and achieving your own.
Always remember that every little step you take towards a goal — no matter how small — is progress.
Related:
- What I’ve learned about achieving personal goals
- There will always be someone better at something than you are
- You were meant for greatness
- Goal setting and breaking the “I can’t” excuse addiction
- The persistent drip
- Offsite: Never give up on a dream just because of the time
- Offsite: Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.
