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Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.

Zero Dean

Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker

Be a person who believes in the possibility of positive change

Excerpt from: The process of becoming who we are

Be a person who believes in the possibility of positive change because it is often the belief in something that creates the possibility.

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Don’t give power to those who don’t have your best interest in mind

Excerpt from: The freedom to be

Don’t give power to those who don’t have your best interest in mind. Reclaim the freedom to be your true self by defining your own identity and wrestle back control of your thoughts, feelings, and sense of self-worth from those you have inadvertently given power over you.

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When you truly know who you are…

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When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.

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Image above inspired by: Pictures in boxes

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Normal may be normal, but it doesn’t mean good.

Always remember that what you may consider totally weird, someone else may consider perfectly normal. And vice-versa.

Reminding yourself that what is weird and what is normal is subjective is a major step towards living in harmony with people.

Yes, every society has its standards, but every society’s standards for what is considered normal are not only subject to change, what is considered normal at any given time isn’t necessarily good for the people who contribute to making it normal.

For example, if enough people in a given area act out a bad habit consistently that bad habit becomes normal and accepted. Smoking comes to mind.

So remember, before you judge someone for not being normal, remember that normal is not only subjective, normal is not synonymous for good.

And normal certainly isn’t good if it means judging others unfavorably for exerting their individuality and not simply conforming to the crowd.

“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” — Charles Addams

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Don’t live your life wearing a disguise.

It’s better to be your genuine self and have fewer of the right kinds of people in your life than it is to surround yourself with those who only accept you as long as you conform to their idea of who you should be.

Don’t live your life wearing a disguise.

When you refuse to be anything but your genuine self, you give those who are most compatible with who you are a chance to find you.

Never fear being rejected by those who seek to confine you to their expectations. It’s OK not to be liked or accepted by everyone you cross paths with on your journey.

You have to live your own life, learn from what life experiences provide you and evolve into the person you were meant to be.

Sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back and let go of things that are keeping you from making progress in life in order to make space for more of the things that will help you fulfill your potential.

Related:

 

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Integrity and independent thinking

Gathering data to make an informed opinion is one thing. Simply waiting to agree with the crowd is something else entirely.

Being yourself and maintaining your integrity means standing up for what you believe to be right and true whether it’s in the company of a crowd or not.

Fear of self-expression is a form of self-imposed slavery.

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The freedom to be

Are we free if we live our lives in a way that consistently requires the approval of others to be truly happy?

Are we free if we consistently force ourselves to live within the confines of other people’s expectations?

Are we free if we consistently dilute our true selves to make others happy?

Are we free if our emotions and mental state are easily controlled by what others say or do?

Are we free if we cannot consider an opposing point of view without getting emotional or immediately dismissing it because it contradicts our own beliefs?

No.

These are limitations we place on ourselves. They are, quite simply, bad habits.

The good news is that, as habits, we can replace them with better, far more empowering options if we so choose.

It may take work to rewrite years of mental and emotional constraints, but who is in charge of your life?

You are.

When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.”

Whether it’s strong, confident, carefree, independent or all of the above, give yourself the freedom to be as you truly wish to appear to others.

Don’t give power to those who don’t have your best interest in mind. Reclaim the freedom to be your true self by defining your own identity and wrestle back control of your thoughts, feelings, and sense of self-worth from those you have inadvertently given power over you.

Related:

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The process of becoming who we are

There are some memes making their way across social networks these days claiming that, “People don’t change.”

Obviously, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Every experience we have provides us with information that either reaffirms something we already believe, alters a belief we already have, or creates a completely new belief.

Whenever a person’s belief changes or they acquire a new belief, the person the new or altered belief changes.

If you’ve ever thought “Well, I’m not going to do that again!” or “Well, that didn’t work. I guess I’ll try it a different way next time”, it’s proof that you’ve grown. And growth is change.

If you want to expedite the process of personal growth, then give yourself and others the freedom to change.

Be a person who believes in the possibility of positive change because it is often the belief in something that creates the possibility.

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Where “being yourself” fails

Seen in a meme:

“Embrace who you are and don’t make any apologies for being yourself.”

I’d like to add a major caveat to that:

First, we are *all* works in progress, we all make mistakes, we all have blind spots in our level of awareness (particularly with regard to ourselves), and we all have room for improvement.

But some more than others.

While I am all for people being authentic and real, I’d much prefer not to encourage the assclowns, douchebags, and dirtbags to just “be themselves” and never apologize for it.

“Yeah, I cut you off in traffic. So what?”
“Yeah, I double parked. Just being myself, man.”
“Yeah, I litter. Big deal.”

Sure, if you’re kind, compassionate, and authentic, if you strive for progress and improvement in your life and your self, if you aim to make a positive difference with what you have to offer, then by all means continue. Even if you occasionally make mistakes, as we all do.

But if you’re someone who goes through life making things more difficult, painful, or inconvenient for others, then perhaps it’s better you don’t just “be yourself”.

Perhaps it’s better if you aim to be the kind of person you and others can actually be proud of rather than just accept who you are with no intention to change.

“Be yourself. Unless you suck.” — Joss Whedon

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The path less traveled

“But if I take the path less traveled I might end up feeling lonely and isolated.”

Yes, of course you might.

And if you take a road trip, you might get a flat tire or into an accident.

And if you take a walk in the woods, a tree may fall on your head or you may be attacked by a pack of rabid squirrels.

“‘Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?’
‘Supposing it didn’t,’ said Pooh after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.” — A.A. Milne

The fact is, if you do anything in life and take any sort of risk, something “bad” may happen to you as a result.

Or it may not.

But the same could be said if you don’t do anything at all.

Some people choose to drift through life. They follow the path of least resistance and simply go wherever it leads. Their idea of an adventure may be running low on gas on the way to the gas station. Or if they are feeling especially adventurous, taking a tour guide-driven trip to an inactive volcano.

And that’s fine. Not everyone values the same things in life.

But choosing to take control of one’s life — and deliberately directing one’s self to where they want to go — will likely make one feel much more alive and in control of one’s life than the alternative of always going in the same direction to the same places as everyone else.

The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been.” — Francis Phillip Wernig

If you want to avoid feeling lonely and isolated at times, then following the crowd is certainly one way to attempt it. Although, it is also quite possible to sit in a room full of people and feel isolated and alone.

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” — Carl Jung

In reality, there are only so many things you can control in life. But the decisions you make and the life you lead as a result of those decisions is one of them.

It’s not so much what happens to you in life that matters as how you choose to learn from and respond to what happens. Because you can’t control everything that happens, but you can control how you respond to it.

Just because you may do something that makes you feel lonely and isolated doesn’t at all diminish the act of doing it and what you learn or how you grow as a person as a result.

Choosing the path less traveled is about finding one’s own way and using what one learns along the journey for the betterment of one’s self (and others).

It is very difficult to not grow while being out of one’s comfort zone. And conversely, very difficult to grow while in one.

And you may just find that you have what you need *within you* to overcome feelings of loneliness and isolation. You may just find you are a lot stronger and more resilient than you believed. You may just discover you don’t need to rely on others to give you an identity.

And you may also find that you like it that way.

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” — Olivia Wilde

There is a reason so much ancient wisdom revolves around knowing thyself.

It is very difficult to truly know one’s self if all one has ever done is what they’ve seen others do.

It is very difficult to know one’s self if one has never spent a prolonged period of time alone in one’s thoughts and away from the influence of family, friends, mass marketing, and the media.

And it is very difficult to grow stronger without resistance. And you don’t get so much of that following a crowd as you do by plotting your own path from time to time.

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