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Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.

Zero Dean

Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker

Authenticity and being yourself

Social media slavery

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Over the years, I’ve received many requests to follow people on social media — or to like their content in exchange for a return of their “favor” of liking my content or following me — and I eventually started saying no.

And this is always awkward because people’s first thought is that I am rejecting them — when, in actuality, I am doing them (and myself) a favor by keeping the motivation for liking content or following others authentic.

So, while I’m happy to help people in whatever meaningful ways that I can, I don’t exchange or negotiate social media favors or arrangements because it leads to inauthentic behavior & expectations.

This means I will not like posts or subscribe to or follow people by request or simply because someone likes my content or follows me.

Once people make arrangements to trade social media favors, they become a slave to the social media machine where actions are no longer motivated by a genuine interest in other people or what they offer, but instead become motivated by a feeling of obligation or expectation or what a person wants in return.

I’ve done it. I’ve played the game.

I’ve followed people not because I liked them (I likely didn’t know them) or what they had to offer, but because I hoped that by following them, they would follow me back. And I’ve liked other people’s posts with the hope they would like mine back. And it works. A percentage of people will return the “favor”.

But is it really a favor when the positive engagement you think you’re getting for what you post isn’t done out of a genuine appreciation for it? No.

The best followers you will ever gain are those who have a genuine interest in you and what you offer and not those who simply follow you out of a feeling of obligation or reciprocation.

Imagine how much better it will feel when you can act with authenticity and simply follow people you want to follow or like content that you actually like and not because you feel obligated to.

Please like, follow, and subscribe to whoever you wish out of genuine desire — and I will do the same.

If you don’t like my content, don’t like it. If you don’t want to follow me, don’t. And if you do, do. It’s as simple as that.

Related:

Self-love vs Narcissism

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Self love: Being content with the work-in-progress that you are. Not seeking the approval of others. Being yourself. Comparing yourself only to who you were in the past and not to others. Not thinking you are any better than anyone else.

Narcissism: None of the above.

Originally Published on: Sep 29, 2013

It is not your job to make people like you

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Anyone can fake being “normal”. Anyone can try to please everyone and turn off no one. Anyone can constantly concern themselves with what other people think of them or how they are perceived. These things are not only incredibly common behaviors, they’re dangerous.

Because – if you’re constantly checking in with regard to what “normal” is or only permitting yourself to do what other people expect of you, you’re not only not being true to yourself, you’re letting your fears dictate your life by acting a certain way in order to earn affection or gain favor.

No matter how much you may want to be liked, pretending to be something you’re not isn’t the answer – because you’re not here to be someone else – you’re here to be you. And – if you are not living your life being the best YOU that you can be, you’re not really living authentically. And you are certainly not living up to your unique potential.

While you may not please everyone who crosses your path in life, one person you can consistently please is yourself – but only if you don’t give in to your fears and sacrifice who you truly are in order to constantly accommodate the expectations of others.

Be the best person that you can be – while being true to yourself – and you will naturally attract people who appreciate you for who you are, not someone you pretend to be.

To pretend to be someone you’re not in order to gain favor or followers is to put yourself on a path that will ultimately let people down – most importantly yourself. It has often been said that the number 1 regret of the dying is that they didn’t have the courage to live a life that was true to who they were because they spent so much of their time concerned with what other people might think.

If you want to live an authentic life, stop worrying so much about being liked. It is not your responsibility to make people like you nor is it your job to conform yourself to other people’s expectations. You are here to be the best YOU that you can be – whether other people like you or not.

If you want to reach your full potential

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Excerpt from: Likability. Being liked and unliked.

If you want to self-actualize (reach your fullest potential), then you must learn to accept yourself for who you are & who you want to be and take personal responsibility for your life and how you feel.

And along the way to self-actualization, you must be prepared to be unpopular. Don’t leave your sense of worth and well-being in the hands of others.

Those who achieve greatness in life don’t let others dictate how they feel about themselves — and neither should you.

Be the person you want to be remembered as.

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“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become.” — Jim Rohn

Be the person you want to be remembered as.

“When it’s all over, you’re remembered for what you did, not what you said you were going to do.” — Jodi Picoult, Salem Falls

Originally Published on: Nov 16, 2012

Related:

You may not always know what to do…

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You may not always know what to do, but you can always choose the type of person you want to be.

Originally Published on: Aug 6, 2013 @ 06:54

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The unique you is beautiful

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Your quirks. Your interest in unusual things. The small things that bring you joy. The odd things you do because they feel right to you. The unique things that you find funny — or fascinating — these are the things about you that make you truly unique and different from others — and they are among, if not the most beautiful things about you.

It can take bravery to be yourself and exert your individuality, but the alternative — to conform — is to become less of an individual. While there is an implied comfort & safety in conformity, conformity represents the ordinary. The status quo. And it is the enemy of creativity.

It is ok to fit in, but to actively change yourself to be just like the crowd is to yield your personal power & influence to others.

Every time you change something unique about yourself in order to be just like someone else, a piece of the best part of you dies.

Don’t think of it as being “weird” or “different”, think of it as being limited edition. Be extraordinary. Not ordinary.

Originally Published on: Jul 8, 2013 @ 06:21

Related:

If you’re weird, own that shit

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If you’re weird, own that shit. You don’t have to be ashamed or embarrassed by it. In a world full of people doing their best to fit in, you don’t – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But if you don’t own your weirdness – or you allow yourself to be embarrassed by it – people who prefer the ordinary will often find ways to make you feel like a lesser person because of it.

The fact is, the things that make you unique – even if they’re weird – can be a source of great satisfaction & immense personal power in your life – but only if you fully accept them and refuse to see the things that make you stand out as flaws.

When you learn to use your uniqueness as a source of power instead of weakness, your whole world can change. Because another word for weird is remarkable. And the world is drawn to remarkable things.

Many people use the term “weird” as if it’s a bad thing, but it’s really not. Anyone can try to fit in – and many people spend their entire lives making sure they do – but the fact is, there’s nothing remarkable about conforming to a crowd.

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