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Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.

Zero Dean

Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker

unhappiness and depression

Self-fulfilling cycles

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Whether directly or indirectly, what we choose to pay attention to can have a dramatic impact on not just how we feel, but on our life experience as well.

Expecting negative things to happen is not just more likely to draw our attention to their existence, it’s more likely to prolong it as well. This, in turn, can create a self-fulfilling cycle of negativity.

Energy is contagious. We tend to absorb and proliferate the type of energy we consistently pay attention to. Therefore it is imperative that we be intentional about where we place our attention and be conscious of how it makes us feel.

 

Rather than monitoring and confirming to ourselves how bad things can get before they get better, making positive changes efficiently is much more likely to involve focusing on the actions one can take to initiate positive change and then performing those actions as effectively as possible.

Fault-finding vs appreciation-seeking

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There’s nothing difficult about finding faults, flaws, and things to disagree with — which is why so many people seemingly make a sport of it.

When you find yourself with a predominantly negative view of people (or life in general), it can help to change your focus from fault-finding to appreciation-seeking.

“What can I appreciate about this person, this moment, or this thing?” is a question that will often leave one feeling far better for having asked it than simply focusing on all the things one doesn’t like.

 

Feeling like no one truly gets or understands you

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If others in your life seem to have an easier time making friends or connecting with people — despite your interest in doing so — it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Or if you sometimes feel like no one truly understands or gets you, you’re not alone. Often, this means that “your people” — people like you — are less common (or at least less common where you are) or less likely to indiscriminately reveal their true self to others.

And as much as you may, at times, appreciate your solitude (or not), this lack of connection can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness or sadness. At times like this, it’s important to appreciate yourself for who you are and to recognize your value as one of your people. Because someone else is out there — who may occasionally feel the same way — and they’re looking to connect with someone just like you.

Be there for them so they do.

Where’s your respect?

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One of the most significant aspects of living a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life comes down to respect.

Respect for yourself, your body, and your goals. Respect for other people, their property, and their beliefs. Respect for your time and other people’s time. Respect for your relationships, your community, and your environment. And countless other things.

Nearly every important aspect of life deteriorates without respect.

Where is your respect (or lack thereof) reflected in your life?

People who are really good at hurting people

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People who are really good at hurting people have often been hurt by people who are really good at hurting people. And sometimes these people use their negative experiences to excuse themselves for behaving badly.

Break the chain. Refuse to let your pain drive you hurt people.

Convert your hurt into compassion for yourself and others. Be the kind of person you wish was there for you when you needed it.

Related:

Define the problem

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People have a nasty tendency to live with problems that they don’t take the time to define. It’s almost as if by refusing to acknowledge the source of a problem, they believe they can get away with not doing anything about it. And that’s how small issues often become big problems.

If you’re unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilled, or unsatisfied — and it isn’t clear why — stop avoiding the problem by refusing to define it.

Pretending to be happy isn’t happiness

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Happiness is not a choice. It is not a switch you can flip. It is not the result of only having & appreciating positive experiences.

Happiness is the result of having a healthy attitude that allows one to find value in all life experiences, not just the “good” ones.

Pretending to be happy isn’t happiness – and it isn’t healthy. While you may fool some, you won’t fool the one person that it matters to most – yourself. It’s better to admit you’re not happy & work towards a solution than pretend you’re happy and do nothing.

It isn’t likely that lasting happiness will come from the getting of things, but rather from the satisfaction one gets from doing them – and an attitude that allows one to find value in the journey of life & not just a particular destination along the way.

You can be satisfied in your work, fulfilled by your goals (whether you ultimately achieve them or not), comforted by your relationships, pleased with your journey, and grateful for your life without being #happy 100% of the time.

And that’s OK. That’s life.

Related:

A reminder for tough times

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If you’re currently going through a difficult time, I want to remind you of something:

You are stronger than you feel.
You are capable of getting through this.
And you will.

Stop beating yourself up and focus on the positive actions you can take and push forward.

You’ve got this.

 

Related:

When you are feeling weak

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When you are feeling weak, always take a moment to remind yourself that you are a survivor of every hardship you’ve ever faced in life. You’ve consistently overcome the worst that life has thrown your way, year after year after year.

No one feels strong 100% of the time. Even the people you look up to and respect most in the world have been knocked down, felt unwell, or needed time to just breathe.

Life can be hard – resist the urge to beat yourself up further when it is. It’s ok to not be ok. Give yourself the time & mental space necessary to get better by refusing to focus on things that make you feel worse.

You will overcome whatever you are dealing with now, as you have with everything you’ve previously faced. This is but a very small part of your life. In the grand scheme of things, you’re doing ok. Keep going.

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