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Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.

Zero Dean

Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker

Self-worth & esteem

The courage to be yourself

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You can’t be yourself when your personal identity is directly linked to what others think or say about you. Good or bad.

Every single person on the planet is a work-in-progress.

When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.

And that is a powerful place to be.

Those you attract into your life will know the true you, not some distorted or diluted version of yourself that you present to others in order to maintain one’s friendship or approval.

No, not everyone will like you (whether you try to please everyone or not), but those who do will like and respect you for who you truly are.

Be a good person — as you are and in your own way — and you will attract more of those types of people into your life.

Because in a world of media manipulated trends, spin, fake news, and superficial celebrities, authentic, genuine, and confident people are much rarer than they should be.

So step it up, if you haven’t.

And keep it up if you have.

We need you.

“When you are brave enough to be yourself, you give others permission to do the same.”

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“That doesn’t count.”

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“That doesn’t count.”

Sometimes people will try to trivialize your accomplishments in order to feel better about themselves.

Never let someone’s own sense of self-worth interfere with your self-esteem or sense of accomplishment. Because your efforts and achievements in life — no matter how small — count.

Life isn’t a competition. It isn’t about comparing yourself to others. It’s about trying to be better than the person you were yesterday.

While we may cross paths, the route each of us takes through life is unique. And a step forward is a step forward, regardless of how small your stride is or how long is takes you to get somewhere.

So go slow if you must. And make mistakes — as everyone does — and learn from them.

Just keep going and don’t let others — or their achievements — get you down.

And remember, no two people are on the same journey through life.

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Liar liar

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A lie is still a lie even when you use it to comfort someone. Tell the truth, even if it hurts.

This has nothing to do with deliberately hurting someone or offering unsolicited feedback. This is about being honest & telling the truth in the course of a conversation and relationship.

If you have a problem with “Tell the truth, even if it hurts”, then know that what you’re essentially saying is that it’s okay for people to lie to you, as long as the lie appeals to your ego and sense of worth.

If you want to build a relationship based on false beliefs and miscommunication, then lying to a person because it makes them feel better — or makes you feel better about yourself — is an excellent way to accomplish this.

Not only is this not an open or honest way to communicate, it is one of the reasons why so many friendships and marriages fail. Because rather than truly address and resolve issues, friends or couples choose to cover them up with “little white lies.”

Liar:

  • 1. a person who tells lies.

Note how it doesn’t say anything about the size of the lie or whether it makes someone feel better.

“But they can’t handle the truth!”

Right. So catering to someone’s weakness and lying becomes acceptable? Is this how you would want someone to treat you in the same situation? You would prefer that they fill your head with a lie rather than tell you the truth? And you think that’s what real friends do?

Real friendships are built on honesty and trust.

Real friends don’t have to agree on everything or like all the same things to get along. Real friends will give each other shit and it doesn’t matter. Why? Because of trust.

Real friends are not afraid of talking to each other when something is wrong. Real friends know that they can always count on each other when it matters (it always matters).

Real friendship doesn’t involve appealing to the other person’s weaknesses or ego by lying.

Lying to people to comfort them is not the answer. We need people to be stronger rather than cater to their weaknesses. Remember, no one can make you feel bad without your consent.

Yes, there is a time and a place for all conversations. And no, not saying anything is not the same thing as blatantly lying, but not saying something or leaving out details (the whole truth) can be a form of lying.

Sometimes the answer to improving relationships isn’t to talk more or pretend to be more interested. Sometimes it’s simply to be truly honest and open.

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*Supplemental:

A) “What do you think about my [horrid] outfit?”
It’s not really my cup of tea, but if you like it, that’s all that really matters…

B) “Do you think this shirt makes me look fat?”
I think there are other outfits that might look better on you…

C) “Don’t you just love this new thing I got?”
I can’t say I love it like you do, but I’m glad it makes you happy.

D) “Do you love me?”
*yawn* Oh gosh, look at the time… hey, is that a giant mutant radioactive squirrel in the yard!? O_O

See. You don’t have to lie.

I’m not saying these are the best responses, but if you are truly friends with someone, there is nothing in these statements that should be considered offensive while getting the point across without lying.

But what’s even better is if you have a relationship where you can say:

A) Gawd, that outfit is ghastly.
B) You look like an elephant, but I still love you.
C) I have no idea why you bought that, but hey, we all have our things.
D) Naw, I don’t love you, I’m just here cause you have cable.

Because if you can get away with that, you probably have yourself a real friend.

Just do it! Except YOU. Are we a culture of motivational hypocrites?

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They will share inspirational quotes and motivational images like nobody’s business. They will root for the underdog in movies. They will tell you that “Freedom lies in being bold!“, “Go for it!” and “Just do it!”

And so you set forth to try.

And then it starts.
The criticism.

Because what they really meant was anyone but you.

Because you’re a nobody and you’re not what they had in mind. And you’re doing it all wrong.

“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?” — Paulo Coelho

They will ridicule you for trying to climb. They will call you egotistical for sticking your neck out. They will say you’re not different. There’s nothing special about you. And “it’s been done”.

At the same time they tell you that you lack originality, you will be mocked for breaking the rules. Bucking the status quo. Being weird. Unconventional. And trying new things.

They will make quick snap judgements about your character without hesitation. “You’re just looking for attention.” “What a show off.” “Narcissist!” “Glory hound!” You’re a hack. Arrogant, too. You just think you’re better than everyone else.

They will seek to discourage you. “Why are you even trying?”, “You can’t escape the system.” You’re just a loser. Doomed to fail. And whatever it is you seek, you don’t deserve it anyway.

But remember this:

They will misread your intentions, your actions, and your words. They will try to tell you why you are doing what you’re doing — as if they have more insight into what you’re trying to do than you do.

And they will be wrong.
But it doesn’t matter.

Because you’re not doing it for them. You’re doing it for you. And whatever your reasons may be, you don’t have to explain or justify yourself unless you want to. What matters most is simply deciding what you want to do, and then setting forth to do it.

So just treat people well, be as good a person as you can be along the way, and don’t let the naysayers get you down.

Because…

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” – Dennis Wholey

They don’t really think about you as much as you think they do anyway. And when it really comes down to it, why would you care so much about what other people think about you when they don’t provide you with the same consideration?

Don’t listen to the naysayers.

Just do it. Yes, you.

Blog post: "Just do it! Except YOU. Are we a culture of motivational hypocrites?"

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Be your own champion when no one else will.

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You won’t always get the support you want. Your ideas will often be rejected or criticized before they are accepted. Your goals may seem unreasonable or impractical to others.

If this is ever the case, remember this: Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be your own champion when no one else will.

Do this — instead of quitting — and you will accomplish great things. Not because others believe in you, but because you believe in yourself.

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Believing in yourself

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To believe in yourself is to disconnect from need for positive feedback — or approval — from others as the justification and drive for whatever it is you wish to accomplish.

You have to have such a strong faith in yourself, your abilities, or your idea(s) that you are able to sustain the effort — and maintain the enthusiasm — necessary to succeed, even when you are inevitably presented with challenges along the way.

Others may question you. Doubt you. Reject you. In fact, studies show that anything that is considered new or different faces rejection and criticism — and is often ridiculed before it is accepted.

And this is when you often need to believe in yourself the most in order to overcome the irrationality of groupthink.

If you truly believe in what you’re doing — then you’re not doing it for others or what they think about it — you’re doing it because you believe in yourself and the value of what you have to offer.

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You need to learn to be the source of your own strength and encouragement. Because if you don’t have a deep down belief in yourself and a confidence in your ability to overcome any obstacles along your path, why will anyone else?

It starts with you. And you can do it.

But you don’t need me to tell you that — because deep down, you already know it.

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