“They were asking for it.”
“I really want to make my ex jealous.”
“I’m going to teach that person a lesson.”
“I’m going to show that person how much they hurt me.”
“I’m going to make that person regret the day…”
Stop it.
This line of thinking only feeds a never-ending cycle of negativity. An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.
Don’t do to someone else anything that you don’t want someone to do to you.
A better solution? Work it out. Resolve conflicts. Make peace.
“But they won’t let me!”
Then let it go. Because you are better than that.
You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself. You can act in a way that you would be proud of. You can act in a way that doesn’t escalate a situation or perpetuate a cycle.
You are responsible for what you do, regardless of your motivation or how you feel.
Just because someone hurt you or offended you doesn’t give you a free pass to act violently, aggressively, use hate speech, or commit offensive acts.
Find a support group that doesn’t encourage these types of behavior.
Learn to communicate and express yourself effectively. Tell people how you feel without the need to lash out or intentionally inflict pain. Learn to forgive and let go.
Channel your energy into something positive. Set the example you’d like see more of. Do what you know in your heart is right, regardless of the circumstances.
Don’t let what others do be an excuse to behave badly.
People have the power to change — but often ignore it, because on some level, we take comfort in our self-imposed limitations. People will often set up their priorities in a way that limit what they are capable of — and then they willfully choose to live with that out of habit or of fear that any alternatives will be “hard”.
That’s not something people like to hear. Rather than take responsibility for their lives & make a change, many choose to complain, blame forces beyond their control, say “that’s just the way it is”, or convince themselves that’s there’s nothing they can do that they’re not already doing. That is until the pain of where they are or what they are dealing with becomes so strong that they DECIDE to make a change — they find a way. And that decision is no harder or less hard than it ever was.
The fact is, complaining doesn’t change anything. Actions do. If people want a different life from the one they have, they have to make different decisions — even if that means staring fear in the face, making some sacrifices, or doing some hard work — and then acting on those decisions.
It’s not too late to make a conscious decision to improve your health, body, and mind.
You — and you alone — have a tremendous amount of power over positive changes you can make to your physical and mental well-being. All it takes is a conscious decision to make a change and the determined effort to make it happen.
You want to be healthier, look better, feel better, think more clearly?
There are many things in this world that you are not responsible for (and have no control over). Your health, diet, education, attitude, inner peace, happiness, and how informed you are (are not among those things). Those are a reflection of choices you make every day.
Comment:
[anonymous]: i would take health off this list. i understand that our choices can shape our health in some ways, but not in all ways. many people suffer from diseases they did nothing to cause or contribute to. otherwise, i’m with you!
Zero: I’m inclined to leave it, and here’s why:
No one chooses to get sick, but the vast majority of diseases are caused by diet (controllable), stress (controllable), willful association with things that are known to have adverse effects on health such as smoking, drinking, hazardous work environments, etc (all controllable).
Yes, there are always exceptions (and always exceptions to pretty much any quote or concise piece of advice, but then they wouldn’t be easily digestible). It is rare one can offer a simple bit of advice and have it apply to everyone and every situation without exceptions.
But for the vast majority of people who can read this post, this applies.
It does not apply so much to people who cannot read or live in a third world country. Or people who are incarcerated. Or people with mental issues or chemical imbalances or have suffered from severe trauma. Or children who are born into sickness or are afflicted by disease very early on in life. But then, I’m not speaking to those people and wouldn’t expect them to read this.
For what it’s worth, this is only meant to be somewhat encouraging and reinforcing to the people who do read what I write. “You’re right, I do have control over what I eat. I will eat better.” or “You’re right, I do have control over my fitness. I will exercise more.” or “You’re right, I do have control over my education. I will pick up a book or watch some educational videos and start learning about something that interests me.”
For those that I think it will be most useful to, are the ones I think it will probably piss them off to read it.
“I didn’t choose to get fat.” or “I can’t run because my knees hurt, so how do you expect me to exercise?” or “I’m not happy because my life sucks.”
I think much of the world would rather blame others for the state of their health or their lives than take personal responsibility for it.
It can be difficult making that switch — not everyone wants that kind of responsibility or to make that kind of effort.
But as one quote goes, “The truth with set you free. But first it will piss you off.”
Anyone who ever accomplished anything great in life had exactly the same number of hours in their day as you do.
Today we have more ways to solve more problems and get more done in a single day than have ever existed before in the whole span of history.
Your “lack of time” is not a time problem, it’s a priorities issue. One thing you can do to better manage your time is to stop doing so many of the things that bring little value to your life and start focusing on the things and people that do.
That’s all anyone who has ever gone on to accomplish great things has done. You don’t get more time by wishing for it. You get more time by making better use of the time you already have.
While some people are naturally more likable than others, it is a fact of life that no matter how nice, how giving, or how generous you are, not everyone who crosses your path is going to like you.
Not being liked by every single person on the planet is normal. Some people will just naturally “get you”, others won’t.
That’s life. And it’s a good thing, too!
If we were all the same and liked all the same things, we’d never have our beliefs or values challenged. We’d be unthinking automatons (robots) and life would be boring! Contrast in life is a good thing. And it is our differences that make us great and help us to grow.
It may help to remember that some of the most loved people in history actually made history because they were bold and they often thought or acted contrary to popular belief at the time. They had more than their fair share of critics.
If you want to self-actualize (reach your fullest potential), then you must learn to accept yourself for who you are & who you want to be and take personal responsibility for your life and how you feel.
And along the way to self-actualization, you must be prepared to be unpopular. Don’t leave your sense of worth and well-being in the hands of others.
Those who achieve greatness in life don’t let others dictate how they feel about themselves — and neither should you.
When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.
So if you’re doing the best you can, and you still have your critics, remember to put your focus on where it belongs — on your greater mission and on the people who want you in their life, not on those who don’t.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” – Dita Von Tease
Likability and Success
So if you’re not supposed to worry about whether everyone likes you or not, what’s the big deal about being likable at all?
Well, being likable, connecting with others, and forming relationships — whether it’s with an individual or an audience — can be (and often is) an integral part of being successful in life.
And being liked (or unliked) can (and often does) have a direct impact on your health, your wealth, your general level of happiness, and how effective you are at achieving goals.
This is — in part — because your potential is enhanced by the people in your life who find you likable enough that they are willing to take action at your request — or on your behalf — or provide you with assistance in times of need.
While it is impossible to be liked by all, the keys to being likable are traits that can have long-lasting positive effects on your life, your personal and business endeavors, and your relationships.
So while being liked by all should not be a focus in your life, increasing your likability can have a dramatic and positive effect on what you want to accomplish.
Seinfeld: How can anyone not like you (link to video)
A few keys to likability
Having personal integrity
Being open and able to communicate effectively with others
Having a positive mental attitude
Projecting self-confidence (but not arrogance)
Having the capacity to connect with others in a meaningful way
Being comfortable with yourself
The ability to empathize with and see things from others’ points of view
“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” — Zig Ziglar
“When another blames you or hates you, or people voice similar criticisms, go to their souls, penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are. You will realize that there is no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
