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Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.

Zero Dean

Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker

Living beyond comfort

“I wish I knew then what I know now”

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“I wish I knew a year ago what I know now.”

You will never know today what it will take life experience over the next year to learn, but you can always increase the rate at which you learn things by getting out of your comfort zone, trying new things, and growing from the process.

Every new experience you have, every mistake you make, and every challenge you face will provide you with a valuable learning opportunity.

Every skill you develop as a result of these life experiences can then be used to deal with and overcome additional challenges you face.

If you want to be better prepared for what life has in store for you, never stop learning, never stop challenging yourself, never stop trying to broaden your perspective, and never stop exercising your body or your mind.

Like everything, they deteriorate from lack of use.

Take a direct and active role in what you learn in life and where you go as a result.

Wisdom, strength, power, and understanding don’t come from your comfort zone.

You have the awesome ability to upgrade your body and your mind at any moment.

It’s a shame to waste that by living a life wishing you knew then what you know now.

Life is meant to be a surprise.

Live, learn something new, and make a difference with it. Ad infinitum.

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Courage doesn’t come from your comfort zone

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You don’t get over the fear of doing something by not doing it.

Courage doesn’t come from your comfort zone because courage doesn’t exist without fear.

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The path less traveled

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“But if I take the path less traveled I might end up feeling lonely and isolated.”

Yes, of course you might.

And if you take a road trip, you might get a flat tire or into an accident.

And if you take a walk in the woods, a tree may fall on your head or you may be attacked by a pack of rabid squirrels.

“‘Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?’
‘Supposing it didn’t,’ said Pooh after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.” — A.A. Milne

The fact is, if you do anything in life and take any sort of risk, something “bad” may happen to you as a result.

Or it may not.

But the same could be said if you don’t do anything at all.

Some people choose to drift through life. They follow the path of least resistance and simply go wherever it leads. Their idea of an adventure may be running low on gas on the way to the gas station. Or if they are feeling especially adventurous, taking a tour guide-driven trip to an inactive volcano.

And that’s fine. Not everyone values the same things in life.

But choosing to take control of one’s life — and deliberately directing one’s self to where they want to go — will likely make one feel much more alive and in control of one’s life than the alternative of always going in the same direction to the same places as everyone else.

“The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been.” — Francis Phillip Wernig

If you want to avoid feeling lonely and isolated at times, then following the crowd is certainly one way to attempt it. Although, it is also quite possible to sit in a room full of people and feel isolated and alone.

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” — Carl Jung

In reality, there are only so many things you can control in life. But the decisions you make and the life you lead as a result of those decisions is one of them.

It’s not so much what happens to you in life that matters as how you choose to learn from and respond to what happens. Because you can’t control everything that happens, but you can control how you respond to it.

Just because you may do something that makes you feel lonely and isolated doesn’t at all diminish the act of doing it and what you learn or how you grow as a person as a result.

Choosing the path less traveled is about finding one’s own way and using what one learns along the journey for the betterment of one’s self (and others).

It is very difficult to not grow while being out of one’s comfort zone. And conversely, very difficult to grow while in one.

And you may just find that you have what you need *within you* to overcome feelings of loneliness and isolation. You may just find you are a lot stronger and more resilient than you believed. You may just discover you don’t need to rely on others to give you an identity.

And you may also find that you like it that way.

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” — Olivia Wilde

There is a reason so much ancient wisdom revolves around knowing thyself.

It is very difficult to truly know one’s self if all one has ever done is what they’ve seen others do.

It is very difficult to know one’s self if one has never spent a prolonged period of time alone in one’s thoughts and away from the influence of family, friends, mass marketing, and the media.

And it is very difficult to grow stronger without resistance. And you don’t get so much of that following a crowd as you do by plotting your own path from time to time.

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“I shouldn’t…”

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“I shouldn’t…”

  • I shouldn’t talk to that person because I don’t want to bother them.
  • I shouldn’t ask anyone for help because it makes me seem needy.
  • I shouldn’t feel proud of my accomplishments because I haven’t done anything original or noteworthy.
  • I shouldn’t draw attention to myself because I don’t deserve it.
  • I shouldn’t contribute to a conversation because I might say something wrong.
  • I shouldn’t express my affection for someone because it probably won’t be reciprocated.
  • I shouldn’t show vulnerability because it will make me appear weak.
  • I shouldn’t offer advice because I don’t have a degree in the subject.
  • I shouldn’t express my opinions because someone may disagree.
  • I shouldn’t act a certain way because it isn’t considered adult behavior.
  • I shouldn’t stick my neck out because I might get my head chopped off.
  • I shouldn’t use profanity because it might offend someone.
  • I shouldn’t try to help people because my own life isn’t exactly where I want it to be.
  • I shouldn’t even try because it probably won’t work or turn out the way I want it to.
  • I shouldn’t publish a post or piece of art until it’s perfect — and it never is.

And that’s just me.

If I listened to everything I told myself I shouldn’t do, I wouldn’t ever do anything worth doing.

Sometimes you just have to tell the voice in your head to SHUSH! And then remind yourself that if it turns out that whatever you want to do is a mistake, you’ll learn from it.

[ DISCLAIMER: I am not recommending law breaking, bad, abusive, or negative behavior. Please use common sense. ]

Everyone feels anxiety at times. Everyone gets nervous. Everyone occasionally wonders if what they want to do will be a mistake.

And that’s ok, but you don’t ever let that stop you from living your life on your terms. Who are you living your life for anyway? You — or everyone else on the planet?

Live. Try stuff. Make mistakes. Learn. Improve. Repeat.

Because being afraid of doing something you truly want to do isn’t a good enough reason not to do it.

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” — Anthony Robbins

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The gift of vulnerability

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How can you show vulnerability and inspire or motivate people at the same time?

It’s easy because the two are not mutually exclusive.

If you are undeterred by the challenges in your life and you use them to become a stronger, wiser, and better person as a result, that’s inspiring whether you ultimately overcome a challenge or not.

The best people in the world are not those who pretend they have no flaws. They are the people who are genuine and brave enough to admit that they have flaws and strive to overcome them. They act with authenticity.

Heroes aren’t perfect.

They all have vulnerabilities. They come in all sizes. And they come from all walks of life.

And if you face the challenges in your life and try to set a good example, you may just be someone’s hero and not even know it.

So keep on keeping on.

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Leveling up in life

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It is a fact of life that once we’ve reached a certain level of comfort in nearly any particular skillset, finding the motivation to further improve — or “level up” — one’s abilities in that skillset can be a challenge.

This is because, after a certain point, we reach a plateau and appear to stop getting results. And although we may try for a while, the struggle to further improve upon something is often fraught with failed attempts.

So instead, where we once saw a consistent path of improvement, we fail to get results.

People often assume that, because they stop improving, they have reached the apex of that particular skillset. It often comes with the thought, “Well, I’m no longer getting any better at this, so this must be as good at this as I will ever be” and they leave it at that. Or, because something doesn’t come easy, “I guess I’m just not very good at this particular thing. It just wasn’t meant to be.”

“I will never be a faster typer than this.”
“I will never be able to perform this skateboarding trick.”
“I will never be able to run a 5 minute mile.”
“I will never be able to paint like the pros.”
“I will never be fluent in another language.”
“I will never be able to play the piano well.”

And so on.

And that’s unfortunate because they’ve just fallen victim to a self-limiting belief. It’s not, in most cases, that they truly can’t, it’s that they no longer make any attempts to try.

Others fall into the trap of believing that if they simply continue to use a particular skill that they are comfortable with enough, they’ll get increasingly better at it.

The issue with that is that after you effectively hit a “plateau” with a skill (or a muscle), any further repeating of the same thing you’ve been doing will no longer yield significant gains, changes, or growth.

And that’s because it is the struggling and working hard, not comfortably, at something that causes one to get better at it.

And if you haven’t made the connection as to why this is important, this not only applies to skills, or strength training, but life as well.

“If you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.”

It’s also why a wise person once said, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

Joshua Foer, in his 99U talk (video) suggests that you need to “step outside your comfort zone and study yourself failing”.

From his talk description:

“When most of us learn a new skill, we work to get just “good enough” and then we go on autopilot. We hit what journalist and bestselling author Joshua Foer calls the “OK Plateau,” where we have gained sufficient skills for our needs and we stop pushing ourselves.

But experts do it differently. Looking at the research on everyone from incredible athletes to memory champions, Foer has extracted four principles that describe how to push through the OK Plateau to achieve true greatness.”

So if you want to “level up” your skills & abilities and be outstanding, you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

You need to get back to challenging yourself and failing. And learning from your failures and pushing forward despite them.

And, above all, don’t give up until you begin to see positive results. Results being positive changes in your perspective, approach, style, or abilities.

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” — Andy Rooney

Getting Results:

When you don’t get results: Try something else.
If you don’t get the results you want: Try something else.
And if you stop getting results: Try something else.

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From the comments:

Carl: Great post! I have felt like I was at a plateau in my artwork for some time, and this thinking may have been part of it. One needs to examine their process with an eye towards learning how to work smarter, because just taking the same approach and expecting to get better can be just reinforcing bad (or less than ideal) habits that are holding back progress.

While “just doing more work” can lead to unexpected/accidental discoveries that lead to progress (as well as being important for maintaining current skill levels), intentionally thinking about why one approach or another may be better, and trying different approaches to find out what might work better (or finding out what approaches are used by those who are better than you) is likely to be more effective. I need to remind myself of this, more.

Zero: I agree. You can improve simply by doing more work — and have those serendipitous moments (happy accidents), but those, too, are often caused by making mistakes — or certainly by trying something new.

But if you want to improve faster, make more mistakes faster. :)

And I agree with working smarter, not harder — but, in the case of plateauing, it is often our lack of wanting to work hard that keeps us from improving. We’re not willing to make extra work for ourselves when we know of a “shortcut”. But we also never learn what hidden gems are on those long hard roads we fear to take.

A mission beyond your comfort zone

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Your mission, if you choose to accept it today, is to get out of your comfort zone at least once.

Take a new route. Favor your other hand. Try to appreciate a song from a genre of music you don’t like. Initiate a conversation with a stranger…

Small or large, whatever it is, just do something differently today and gain a new perspective or insight.

Stretch yourself.

And have an awesome day.

*Disclaimer: You accept full responsibility for the outcome of any missions you choose to accept.

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Level of difficulty

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Every time you say something is hard or difficult for you, you reinforce in your mind how difficult it is, and you actually make it harder and more difficult (according to your belief) than it needs to be.

The fact is, most things we do are difficult before they get easier. Everything from walking to talking to writing or typing was difficult at one point.

Rather than focus on how difficult something is, always focus on your progress and how far you’ve come, not on how far you have to go.

Because no matter how slow you go, as long as you are consistent in your efforts (and you are biologically capable), you will achieve what it is you set out to accomplish.

And what you once considered difficult, no longer will be.

But only if you get started and only if you don’t give up.

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If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

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I just wanted to quickly express some thoughts I have regarding some of the occasionally more challenging content I write, such as: “If you have the power to change…” or “A tough pill to swallow.”

I don’t expect everyone to completely agree with — or be able to easily accept — my point of view on every post I share.

In fact, I hope this is not the case. I hope some of the more serious stuff I post makes people cringe or think hard or question themselves or what they believe.

That’s the point. And it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

If I constantly post things that everything thinks, “yeah, I agree”, then that’s not a terribly effective strategy at getting people to think, stretch, or grow. It’s simply telling people things they already know or want to hear.

Anyone can do that (and lots of people do). Some best-selling self-help authors make a habit of that.

Do you want to make friends? Grow a following? Get people to like you? It’s easy, just tell people exactly what they want to hear, boost their egos, or provide superficial solutions.

That’s ONE way.

The OTHER way is to challenge people and earn their respect.

While people may not always agree with you, they will be confident in knowing that you believe what you speak and that you’re not just saying it to 1) meet a content deadline or 2) tell people what they want to hear.

The things I share? They come from personal experiences and what I’ve learned from them. Some of my thoughts are more developed than others and if you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you will notice that many continue to evolve.

While some of the posts I share may be seen as simple common sense or ancient “truths”, I’m not writing content to meet a schedule or fill a void. And I’m not reading things and simply regurgating what I read in order to sound qualified — or to be confident that I’m not saying something that someone far more educated or informed than I am will disagree with.

No. I’m living this stuff and have been working through all of it. Everything I write about comes from real-life experience.

The rejection posts, the power to change posts, the acts of kindness posts, the just getting through life posts. These come directly from things that I’ve lived through and learned and can back up — and not from a pile of books that I just assume the contents are true and the authors knew what they were talking about.

And when I do read, I question everything. But I already question everything anyway.

I question who I am. I question how I know what I know. And I even question what I don’t know.

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.” — Buddha

And I think. And I try things. And explore within and without. And make mistakes. And I learn. And some of the mistakes I make should be common sense issues, but not for me. Which is also why I share what I learn, because what’s “common sense” for one person isn’t common sense for everyone.

And I will be the first to admit that besides making mistakes or occasionally saying something or doing something in a way I didn’t intend, there’s nothing I’ve done that I ever felt couldn’t have been done better. And regardless of how much I learn or how confident I feel, or how long I go without making mistakes, I will continue to think this.

And to me, this is a good thing. Because the moment you are certain that you know the one and only way is the moment you leave no room to learn that you’re wrong (even if you’re right).

So yeah, while many of the things I share will not be particularly challenging for most people most of the time (and that would get annoying if that were the case), these things I share can still be of value in helping people to reaffirm what they already believe or be reminded of things they already know, but haven’t been practicing.

But it really isn’t until I challenge people that I have the potential to make a significant difference. As a wise person once said, “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”

And while I don’t believe this to be 100% true — because I believe that you can also lead by example — getting people to face challenges is challenging, at best. People often resist challenges, resist change, and resist discomfort. But that is where growth occurs.

And I can say from experience, as someone who has deliberately faced challenges for over 1,289 days, it has been the most rewarding and most illuminating time of my life. And nearly everything I write about is a result of that.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

And I hope on some level, that what I share eventually influences some people in ways that enhance their lives specifically because I did make them think, or stretch, or grow.

And that’s why some of my posts may occasionally be more challenging than others.

“The sad thing is that, even though we know our lives aren’t working in certain areas, we are still afraid to change. We are locked into our comfort zone, no matter how self-destructive it may be. Yet, the only way to get out of our comfort zone and to be free of our problems and limitations is to get uncomfortable. We can only experience freedom in direct proportion to the amount of truth that we are willing to accept without running away.” — Robert Anthony

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