Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not their journey to make sense of. It’s yours.
Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker
Silent appreciation is easily confused with silence.
If someone has done or is doing something that you appreciate, respect, or admire, take the time to acknowledge it in a meaningful way. It is an extremely easy and effective action that amplifies good feelings & positivity and helps to ensure that the things you appreciate continue.
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Excerpt from: The freedom to be
Don’t give power to those who don’t have your best interest in mind. Reclaim the freedom to be your true self by defining your own identity and wrestle back control of your thoughts, feelings, and sense of self-worth from those you have inadvertently given power over you.
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Excerpt from: One less rhinoceros (intentions vs actions & dealing with mean people)
One of the reasons that being mean to mean people isn’t terribly effective is that people learn most through personal experience or by observation of others.
Giving someone a taste of their own medicine is very unlikely to teach them anything new or show them that there’s a better way.
By being mean to a mean person, you’re simply showing them a behavior they’re already familiar with. All your negative actions do is demonstrate that you can stoop to their level. And now instead of just one person acting badly, there are two. And rather than solve the problem, it makes things worse.
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It is far more effective to be a person who encourages others than it is to spend one’s time finding faults, criticizing, or judging people.
Not only will you feel better about yourself as a result of being a force for good, you’ll be making a positive difference in people’s lives.
Refuse to put people down. Refuse to judge those who aren’t exactly like you. Refuse to do to others what you wouldn’t like done to you.
Remember that everyone lives their lives in a way that reflects what they’ve learned from life experience.
Not everyone thinks the same. Not everyone knows what you know. Not everyone has the same level of awareness.
Help people live their lives in a positive way by encouraging more of what you’d like to see in the world.
Lift people up. Raise people’s spirits. Make friends, not enemies.
Help educate people by being a good example.
Be kind. Be encouraging. Be honest. Be tolerant.
Inspire others to live with integrity.
Lead by example.
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“I get so annoyed when people…”
“If this person [performs annoying action], I’m going to respond by [acting badly]….”
Often, when we think things like this, we’re not only setting ourselves up to harbor negativity and carry unnecessary stress, we create triggers for future negative thoughts & feelings.
“I get so annoyed when people…” not only creates the expectation that we will feel annoyed when something we expect to annoy us happens, we essentially give ourselves permission — in advance — to be annoyed when it happens.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And in the worst cases, we take it a step further and use our annoyance as an excuse to behave badly.
“If customer service doesn’t give me the answer I want, I’m going to lose my shit.”
Remember, crossing paths with an idiot is not an excuse to also act like an idiot.
We often deal with situations on automatic pilot and forget that getting annoyed — or at least staying annoyed — is a choice. We don’t have to let the bad behavior of others affect us as much as we often do.
How much more effective it would be if, instead of creating a negative expectation, we created a positive one:
“The next time I encounter something that annoys me, I’m going to handle it in a positive way.”
It’s much easier to handle the negative situations we encounter in life when we expect — or better yet, train ourselves — to deal with them productively.
We certainly don’t have to let the bad behavior of others cause us to act badly or lose our shit in response.
“That guy cut me off, so I’m going to do the same to him. That’ll teach him!”
The “lessons” we often try to teach people by acting badly are often lost on them. Rarely does the recipient of bad behavior respond with, “Wow, you’re right.”
On the contrary, it often provokes more bad behavior and more negativity.
If you want to teach someone a “lesson”, be a role model and set a good example.
Don’t let the bad behavior of others be an excuse to also act badly.
You’ll know you’re on the right track when, if everyone imitated your actions, the world would be a nicer place.
Lead by example.
“Inner Peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”
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Never stop doing the kinds of things that made you and your partner fall in love with each other in the first place.
Many people make the mistake of no longer furthering their efforts once they achieve what they want. Only to then wonder why they lost what they had.
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Yes, learn from your mistakes, but don’t penalize your current partner for past partners offenses.
Every person you meet has different habits and a different history. The past is not the present.
Give people you meet a chance to demonstrate the type of person they are through their actions not someone else’s.
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Always remember that your actions help influence whether there is more or less of something in the world.
The reason why bad news, people acting badly, and superficial pop culture is so popular is because people give their attention to it. This, in turn, creates more of exactly the sorts of things people say they don’t want.
This is why it is so important to encourage those who are doing the sorts of things you would like to see more of.
If you like it, encourage it. If you admire it, say so. If you appreciate it, express it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, a family member, a stranger on the street, or someone you cross paths with online, everyone can always use a little encouragement and positive feedback. Your recognition of the things you appreciate helps to prolong those things and ensure their future existence. Ten seconds of your time is all it takes (although thirty or more is more meaningful).
In a world of takers, be someone who gives back.
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Originally published on: Oct 20, 2014
Once upon a time, I used to post things and judge their value by likes and shares. And if something didn’t get many of either, I’d think, “Oh well.”
Then one day I posted something that barely made a blip. But instead of likes or shares, I received an email that said:
“Thank you. I really needed that today.”
And so it has happened in a similar fashion — via email or comments — a number of times since then.
And that’s how I discovered the real value in connecting with people. And it has much less to do with likes and shares than it does with creating meaningful moments in others’ lives, even if only one at a time.
With that in mind, let me offer two thoughts for your consideration:
1. You may never know who your actions, words, or creations inspire, but those who appreciate these things you offer to the world are out there, even if they are not always visible to you.
For every person who takes the time to acknowledge the value in what you have to offer, there will always be others who won’t. The lack of acknowledgement does not make what you offer any less valuable — especially if you already believe in and see the value in it (and it is important that you do).
2. Never hesitate to express thanks — or send a kind word — to those who touch you in a meaningful way — be it through their actions, words, or works of art.
Because you also never know how your own gratitude becomes the fuel that touches and inspires those who touch and inspire you.
…
If you’re reading this, you have my thanks. It is a pleasure to connect with you, whether we do it often — or make a show of it — or not.
THANK YOU.
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Global manufacturers would like us to believe that holidays are the best time to show appreciation by buying more “stuff” for the people we care about.
And every holiday we do it with cards, flowers, chocolate & confectionaries, and a million cheap trinkets of all kinds made by overworked & underpaid employees in foreign lands.
And we buy into this idea — holiday after holiday — because we like LOVE to be appreciated.
In fact, feeling appreciated is one of our greatest emotional needs. So we don’t tend to mind so much that the primary reason people show us appreciation on holidays is because they are expressly being reminded told to through advertising.
While there is certainly something to be said about being appreciated & showing appreciation on mutually agreed upon and culturally convenient dates, one could make an argument that the most sincere times to show appreciation are those times when a person you care about was simply on your mind and you thought enough of them to take the time to say so. Not because it was a holiday. Not because it was convenient. But just because it felt right and you truly wanted to do it.
I think most people would agree that any time is a good time to be appreciated. But by that same token, any time is a good time to SHOW appreciation, but if you truly want to maximize the experience, the BEST times to show gratitude for those you care about might just be the times when it isn’t a common cultural phenomenon.
(* within obvious social norms)
So if today isn’t one of those holidays — or even if it is! — is there someone you could show appreciation to right now?
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” — Leo F. Buscaglia
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