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“Real men”

October 14, 2014 by Zero Dean

I see it frequently on social media…

“Real men wear…”
“Real men drink [brand]…”
“Real men know how to…”
“Real men drive [brand]…”
“Real men like…”

No.

Real men. Real women. Real people like whatever they want to like and do whatever they want to do. Their preferences are not dictated by fads, popularity, or the social norm. They don’t like things in order to appear more appealing to others.

Real people act with authenticity. And authentic people listen to their inner voice and make their own decisions based on their personal preferences and experience.

So to say “Real men like…” is practically meaningless.

A “real” person is going to maintain their integrity regardless of the influence of outside forces — regardless of your desire that they like whatever it is you think they should like in order to be a “real” person.

To suggest otherwise is to suggest that you judge people based on whether they like or don’t like exactly the same things you do. And if they don’t, they’re not a “real” person.

To be real is to be authentic. To be real is to have a strong sense of self. To be real is to have a positive moral character. And above all, to be real is to have integrity.

Because…

A real person is going to like beer or mixed drinks or not drink at all.
A real person is going to eat meat or not.
A real person is going to like cats or dogs or none of the above.
A real person is going to be religious or not.
A real person is going to like watching sports or root for the same team as you or not.
A real person is going to drive an American made car or a foreign car or none at all.

The thing about “real” people is that you can’t tell them what to be — or who or what to like — and expect them to cater to you simply because you want them to. Real people are going to be real and make their own decisions and do what they want whether you approve of it or not.

Real people don’t exist to confine themselves to other people’s expectations. They’re not content with being labeled. They have no desire to fit within a box. They don’t cave in to peer pressure. And they don’t act with the intention of pleasing everyone.

And this is far more rare than it should be — and should be of far more value and far more desirable than a person who simply likes the exact same things you like, shares your exact point of view, or is easily influenced by the social majority or the flavor of the week.

Consider this the next time someone suggests “Real people…” do or like anything.

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The fact is, you can help someone today

October 10, 2014 by Zero Dean

The fact is, you can help someone today if you simply look for the opportunity to do so and act upon it when it comes.

Always believe you can make a positive difference in the world of those you encounter.

Because you can and you do.

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If you rock. Thank you.

October 9, 2014 by Zero Dean

If you go out of your way to be friendly and nice to people, for no reason other than it just feels good or like the right thing to do, THANK YOU.

Even if and when it means people don’t always see or appreciate it, THANK YOU.

Even if your desire to help others or make them more comfortable sometimes gets you into trouble, THANK YOU.

Even if what you did was “no trouble” or “the easiest thing to do” or “any decent human being would have done it” , THANK YOU.

Even if you do these things without the need for acknowledgment, THANK YOU.

Because if you’ve done these things, you’ve touched many lives, including my own – directly or indirectly – and you deserve to be thanked whether you think you do or not.

So THANK YOU.

And please carry on doing what you do, like I know you will, whether I tell you to or not.

You rock. THANK YOU.

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People change. Memories do, too.

October 7, 2014 by Zero Dean

Seen in a meme:

“People change. Memories don’t.”

Actually, this is false. Memories are very susceptible to change (whether you want them to or not).

This is partly because any time you remember something, you are remembering the last time you remembered it and not the actual event — and our playback isn’t perfect.

As such memories get distorted based on how you feel and what you choose to focus on when you recall a past event.

This can happen in a more “localized” way when one feels depressed. When we are feeling down about ourselves, we are often quick to dismiss our positive memories or achievements.

“Disqualifying the positive is one of the most destructive forms of cognitive distortion.” — David D. Burns M.D.

When we choose to focus on a particular memory in a particular way often enough, we effectively change that memory.

This is one of the reasons why two people who witness or experience an event together may eventually remember it entirely differently. It isn’t that either is lying, it’s that their memories of an event are susceptible to change.

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Looking good

October 4, 2014 by Zero Dean

Being well groomed is one thing. Dressing for the occasion is another.

But so many people spend so much time hiding their natural beauty with gimmicks and add-ons that they end up looking like everyone else doing the same exact thing.

Want to look good? Exercise. Eat better. Hydrate. Take care of your teeth. And be someone’s reason to smile.

I can almost guarantee that those things will do more to make you not only feel better and give you more energy, but will also keep you feeling better and more attractive far longer than any temporary solution that wears out or washes off.

The things that make you beautiful are a part of you and not an add-on. Especially those things that make you unique.

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The greatest challenge in life

October 3, 2014 by Zero Dean

Always remember that people who say things like, “The greatest challenge in life is…” are speaking from limited experience.

What is one person’s greatest challenge in life is another person’s walk in the park.

We are not all one and the same.

No matter how similar our backgrounds may be, every journey we take in life is uniquely our own.

It is extremely rare, if not impossible, for one person, one book, one statement, or one quote to speak to or for everyone. And it is arrogant (or ignorant) for people to suggest that they can.

There are a million or more people in the world who will suggest that they know what the meaning of life is. But in the end, it’s up to you to decide based on your own experience.

Because your life — like your journey — is your own. And the only person it needs to make sense to — and quite possibly the only person it will ever make sense to — is you.

And for some, that is the greatest challenge in life. And for others it’s a walk in the park.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” — Ian Maclaren *

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You. Making a difference.

September 28, 2014 by Zero Dean

7 billion people on the planet.

And you’re THE ONE in 7 billion today who is going to make someone’s day significantly better by having been a part of it?

That’s value, power, and making a difference.

That’s being awesome.

What are you, some kind of superhero?

Keep up the good work!

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Freedom of speech

September 27, 2014 by Zero Dean

If you want to use “freedom of speech” to show how much of a bigoted idiot you are, I will defend your right to do so.

But “freedom of speech” doesn’t mean “freedom from consequences”.

I think some people miss that part.

Tolerance Kindness

You may:

Lose business
Lose respect
Lose friends
Lose your job
Lose opportunities

All because you are intolerant of those who are different than you. Be it *personal beliefs, race, religion, national origin, gender, disability, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status.

*Re: Bigotry (Wikipedia)

Dwell on the positive moments in your life

September 5, 2014 by Zero Dean

Anytime someone — anyone — ever does something nice for you, is considerate to you, makes you laugh or smile, or otherwise just makes you feel good, always take an extra moment to acknowledge the gesture and highlight it in your mind.

Make it into something more than just a fleeting, quickly forgotten moment. Make it a memory.

The more you take the time to dwell on positive moments in your life, the more that these moments will begin to appear, and the more of them you will remember and be grateful for.

And the more you are truly grateful for these moments, the more appreciation you will have for when they happen and the people who help make them possible.

So, starting today, always make a conscious effort to dwell on these often forgotten positive moments in your life. Soon you will find that there are far more of them happening around you than you ever imagined.

“…Every single day contains delightful moments…but so many of us are so deeply zoned out, our senses dulled by that sensory overload, that we fail to recognize them.” — Dawn Sievers (From: In Both Directions)

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Ignored vs unnoticed

September 4, 2014 by Zero Dean

There is a huge difference between being ignored and simply going unheard or unnoticed.

This applies to real life communication, but is especially applicable to social media.

Unless you have an audience of considerable numbers that is eagerly waiting to read whatever it is you have to say, it is not a question of if one of your social offerings will go unnoticed, but when.

And when it does happen, it’s important to realize that the lack of response is not at all an accurate reflection of what your audience thinks. Because if they didn’t see it, they can’t have an opinion about it.

There may also be times that your social offering simply isn’t best suited for the people who actually see it. This matters less when you have a huge audience, because the chances are good that at least some sampling of the people who follow you will see and like what you have to offer.

But if you are dealing with a smaller following, not having your post or comment connect with the first wave of people who “see” it can greatly reduce any chance it has of “getting out of the gate”

The reason for this is because of how social media posts are typically distributed. Popular (more interactive) posts get more popular. The more something is liked, shared, or commented on, the more it gets distributed — which results in more people seeing it, liking it, or commenting on it.

But there will be times when your post or comment, as great as it is, never gets out of the gate because it didn’t connect with the few people who first saw it.

And that’s normal. So if you’ve ever posted something and thought you were being ignored, it’s more likely you were going unnoticed.

And the vast majority of times this happens in real-life social situations, it is also not because people are actively ignoring you. It is again, simply because whatever you have said, done, or offered has gone unnoticed.

And if this happens to you often, this would be a good time to watch How to speak so that people want to listen.

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