If hate encourages hate, what do you think kindness does? Be kind.

Zero Dean

Author | Photographer | CG Artist | Filmmaker

Likability. Being liked and unliked.

Likability. Being liked and unliked.

Being liked.

While some people are naturally more likable than others, it is a fact of life that no matter how nice, how giving, or how generous you are, not everyone who crosses your path is going to like you.

Not being liked by every single person on the planet is normal. Some people will just naturally “get you”, others won’t.

That’s life. And it’s a good thing, too!

If we were all the same and liked all the same things, we’d never have our beliefs or values challenged. We’d be unthinking automatons (robots) and life would be boring! Contrast in life is a good thing. And it is our differences that make us great and help us to grow.

It may help to remember that some of the most loved people in history actually made history because they were bold and they often thought or acted contrary to popular belief at the time. They had more than their fair share of critics.

If you want to self-actualize (reach your fullest potential), then you must learn to accept yourself for who you are & who you want to be and take personal responsibility for your life and how you feel.

And along the way to self-actualization, you must be prepared to be unpopular. Don’t leave your sense of worth and well-being in the hands of others.

Those who achieve greatness in life don’t let others dictate how they feel about themselves — and neither should you.

When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.

So if you’re doing the best you can, and you still have your critics, remember to put your focus on where it belongs — on your greater mission and on the people who want you in their life, not on those who don’t.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” – Dita Von Tease

Likability and Success

So if you’re not supposed to worry about whether everyone likes you or not, what’s the big deal about being likable at all?

Well, being likable, connecting with others, and forming relationships — whether it’s with an individual or an audience — can be (and often is) an integral part of being successful in life.

And being liked (or unliked) can (and often does) have a direct impact on your health, your wealth, your general level of happiness, and how effective you are at achieving goals.

This is — in part — because your potential is enhanced by the people in your life who find you likable enough that they are willing to take action at your request — or on your behalf — or provide you with assistance in times of need.

While it is impossible to be liked by all, the keys to being likable are traits that can have long-lasting positive effects on your life, your personal and business endeavors, and your relationships.

So while being liked by all should not be a focus in your life, increasing your likability can have a dramatic and positive effect on what you want to accomplish.

Seinfeld: How can anyone not like you (link to video)

A few keys to likability

  • Having personal integrity
  • Being open and able to communicate effectively with others
  • Having a positive mental attitude
  • Projecting self-confidence (but not arrogance)
  • Having the capacity to connect with others in a meaningful way
  • Being comfortable with yourself
  • The ability to empathize with and see things from others’ points of view
  • Being non-judgmental
  • Allowing one’s self to be vulnerable
  • Using positive body language

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“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” — Zig Ziglar

“When another blames you or hates you, or people voice similar criticisms, go to their souls, penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are. You will realize that there is no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations